Comments on: Monogamy is Against Human Nature?

By: ivykikoe

ivykikoe — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:47:41 +0000

to answer the article's question, yes, monogamy is against human nature. HOWEVER, we are creatures of rational thought as well as emotional consideration and instinctual behavior. I.e, we are not animals. And as such, do not need to conduct ourselves as animals, unless we so choose. (another benefit of being human: free will).

Choosing monogamy sets up a societal structure that is valuable for a number of reasons: not just propagation of our species, but to pass down norms/values/beliefs, to aid in societal stability, to make raising children easier on adults, to sustain wealth and health…a whole host of reasons.

The reasons to choose polyamory? To satisfy self-appeasing needs. Polyamory helps no one both those involved in the relationship…and that is only IF those involved DON'T develop feelings, pass along diseases, tell mates not involved in the amorous behavior…

You get the picture.

Black people – of all people!! – should be advocating marriage and monogamy! We have higher rates of single-parenthood, higher rates of incarceration, higher STD contraction rates, higher rates of divorce. All of these issues, plus more, would be alleviated – at least partially, if not in whole – if we would advocate what is RIGHT, not just what is RIGHT for us as individuals. Please people, stop thinking with you woohaas, and use your God-given minds!

By: SBWomen

SBWomen — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:09:57 +0000

this kinda related ; A New Report about successful unmarried Black Women
Shows some good stats about why men are avoiding exclusive relationships and marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJGMAhWpDF8

By: swiv

swiv — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:38:20 +0000

a woman trying to understand a man's nature. classic.

LMAO

monogamy isn't natural for men.

By: Andrea_Victoria

Andrea_Victoria — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:00:23 +0000

You're right, i was being glib.

By: Poly Friend

Poly Friend — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:17:46 +0000

Polyamory is not just 'hoe'ing around without getting married' as you put it. For those that are truly polyamorous it is a conscious choice to engage in ethical non-monogamy. Seeking out relationships that are intimate on many levels, not just sexually. You can have a poly relationship that has not sexual component to it. As you state, it should most definitely verbalized, but also negotiated and consensually agreed to.

There are most definitely married people who are polyamorous. Jenny Block, who is poly advocate is one such person. Marriage, as well as any committed relationship, can include polyamory as a component. Poly = many, amoury = loves. Many Loves. I am assuming that people love the ones they are making a marital commitment too, right?

Here is a great Google Knoll article on Polyamory:

http://knol.google.com/k/james-o-neill/polyamor...

For both males and females non-monogamousness is a part of who we are. Generally men here the call more strongly that women. For many it is easy to choose monogamy especially with society's built in expectations for it, but for a minority of others the call seems antithetical to their very being. Human sexual relationships span the range of celibate to totally non-committal non-monogamy and everything in between, but the far majority pick some sort of committed relationship, whether married or not.

I think you have a very important point that our relationship expectations are not following with humanities full range of relationship models, and to purport that only one is acceptable does great harm and this needs to be fixed before and true progress can be made.

By: Poly Friend

Poly Friend — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:17:46 +0000

Here is a great Google Knoll article on Polyamory:

http://knol.google.com/k/james-o-neill/polyamor...

By: Andrea_Victoria

Andrea_Victoria — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:28:29 +0000

monogamy is a decision. so is polygamy, or, what is more common these days, polyamory (tha's when your just hoeing w/o getting married first and everybody involved knows about it and is ok with it). Whether its 'outdated' or not is a question of both social construction and personal values, which of course strongly overlap. The truth of the matter is that there are now more unmarried women in the US than married - and that's according to the Census. That's a historical first. So reality is not matching social expectation that women grow up to marry. Still, many women feel like failures if they don't live up to that standard. This means that we have internalized social values that do not match reality.

Also real is that more people are choosing same sex partners, intentional single parenthood, and other non-traditional relationships and family structures. So again, is the problem that our social expectations need to catch up to reality? Or, perhaps, its more of a choice now to disentangle your personal expectations and standards from the 1950's nuclear hetero-normative model.

Whatever you decide about your personal decisions, value and models of integrity (i.e., making sure that if you choose non-monogamy, you inform your partners of this - otherwise you just a dog!), its important that you recognize how and why you are rejecting the 'norm'. That's the only way that the social dialog can really begin to evolve.