Closure and Relationships
By CocoaDiva on Oct 13, 2009 with Comments
Make it last foreva, and eva, and eva…….well sometimes it doesn’t. That relationship or “situation” you were in ended for one reason or another. I have found people fit into two categories, the one needing closure and the one running from it (ie. dumper/dumpee). Often times, we live happily in the grey with someone until our interactions taper off either because someone lost interest or the other person gave up trying.
In my younger days, I realized that I played the role of the one running from closure, ie “Dang I wish he would just lose my number already, take a hint dude!” However, in my continual quest to be a better person, I realized that running from closure can have a negative impact on your next situation. I always felt it was a little soft to have to tell someone, guess what you don’t do it for me, and that I was sparing their feelings. The truth of the matter is by sparing their feelings, was I covering up my own?
You always take into account what you look for in a relationship. You keep your ideas on this mini unwritten checklist ( another story for another day) and if the person doesn’t fit you check them off. But not telling a person why they don’t fit stunts your own growth. I think if you are able to face a person and say “It’s not me….its really you,” then you will not make the same mistakes when you select a new dating candidate. Yes it may hurt a few feelings and no one wants to be on the negative end of the spectrum. But sometimes this kind of criticism can be helpful. Your boo thing may not really know they are your personal shadow and lost their own identity or that they are hopelessly self centered. Hey, they will probably have a few words to say about your actions as well.
Ahh, how the tables have reversed in my later years. Yes, there is a man or two floating out in the universe from whom I could stand a little closure. I really would like to know the why of the situation rather than the silence and awkward hellos we currently share. I believe we are supposed to learn from every relationship and I believe if I had closure for these situations I can check off my lesson in my notebook and truly move on.
When asking around, it is apparent that everyone thinks women need closure more. However, I was surprised that men admitted they needed closure more than women. Many women complained that men fade to black and withhold closure as a means to come back into the picture at a later date.
How important is closure for you? Do you seek it or do you run from it?
Are you that person who sends the ex to ignore? Why?
How often have you faced an ex or someone you were living in the grey with and told them why it didn’t work?
Do you feel a lack of closure hurts you later in your dating progress?
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