He Who Finds a Wife and Modern Dating

Actually, in the Bible, Ruth did fall on the floor in Boaz' path - literally.

Now I'm all for approaching a woman. I know what I want and I know better than she or anybody else. But, often it really isn't a good setup. For instance, take a mixer, social, club, church, singles ministry, or any other setting that gathers large numbers of singles.

Each guy will be in the presence of a number of women, and often there will be very little that he knows about each. Often all he knows is what they look like. That will narrow the number of potential interests some, but not down to 'the one." So he has to pick somebody to approach.

Like you said, there is a 70% chance whoever he is going to approach is going to say no. That's fine, we can take it. But, some the other women in the room now saw her say no. He can approach another woman, and the odds are still 70% for another rejection. At this point more women are noticing. The odds of rejection are now increasing. And at some point, the 30% women who were interested are changing over to the non-interested women because they start thinking, "I don't want to be his number 3, 4, 5, etc. choice." They are asking him to play the lottery and randomly pick the right one.

It's just not a very intelligent mating technique.

If you are interested in a guy, you should not play "hide and seek" and see if he can pick you out of the crowd. You don't have to ask him out. If you communicate interest, he will take it from there.

The one caution I give is women should not try to manipulate, coerce, trick, or otherwise get a guy to move to a deeper stage of committment than he wants. That's where women tend to mess up. If he knew you were interested and did not go there on his own, he doesn't want to. He will either resist or will agree to a relationship he will then not sustain.

(By the way, "he who finds a wife" does not mean he was the active party. She could have come to him. A discovery is a discovery whether you searched the ends of the earth or whether you were just sitting there while the discovery fell in your lap.)

Good points Robert! I do understand that "find" can be a result of an active search or that good thing you stumbled upon. I just know that many women I know were raised not to go seeking or hollerin' at men. We were told that the men would come find us, often times based upon the literal interpretation of the above passage.

Based upon your analogy, men would never holler at women. The problem I see is this, when we holler at you we usually are interested in getting to know you better, but you may not be interested and accept because we are "new booty." So, often times, we are not seen as finds but something you might as well do b.c. its in front of you. If you sought us out and tried to court us I think the odds change are are once again in our favor. So, your rejection gets you greater results really. You get what you were looking for when she says yes, while we may stumble on that dude who never wanted us in the first place.

The problem, as I have stated many times on this blog, is people aren't honest about what they want. She told you she was interested and you played along for awhile....and acted relationshipy or datey. Don't show interest if you have no follow through intention.

I just wonder if the man doesn't actively choose and pursue is it all starting off on the wrong foot?

What is a proverb? The Internet version of Webster defines it as "a brief popular epigram or maxim". To put it in laymen terms, it is a nugget of wisdom. The book of Proverbs is an expression of MAN's wisdom credited to Solomon. Living your life according to the wisdom of man is foolish, you need to address your concerns with the Deity that you believe in. You should be asking your God for the advice, guidance, and temperament to be ready when a potential spouse enter your life.

When dealing with the proverb directly in relations to modern dating.

Is there not more than one way to FIND?

I related finding a spouse to shopping, and if you ask any woman with plastic in the purse she will tell you that there are countless ways to shop. Some of the classics are window shopping, bartering, shoe shopping, auctions, there are plenty of ways that a woman knows how to shop. A man can find a woman using different methods, for some men they might get the best results approaching random women, some might prefer control environments like social networks/Internet dating, and others could draw women into their sphere by enjoying life.

My willingness to ask a woman out on a date before she ask me, does not determine my role in a relationship. Relationships are partnerships and the determination of roles happen, when both parties agree to be in a relationship. Here is a novel ideal in some relationships it might be more beneficial that the woman is the head of the house. Not every man has the maturity it takes to be head of the house, that does not mean he should be forced to live his life alone. He simply need a woman who is compatible with him.

To piggyback off the comment earlier, modern women consider what Ruth did to Boaz as being beneath them. God was in the mist of that circumstances, for it was from the seed of Boaz that David was born. If God smiled upon the actions of Ruth, why can the same not be done for you?

I don't interpret it as searching and finding or having to look for or be found by someone but rather committing til death you do part. Could this proverb actually be suggesting that a man should enter into a COVENANT relationship with a woman.
It's also about trust. (Proverbs 16:3 & 4) Is your relationship with God strong enough for you to trust him to lead you to your wife? This would end the insecurity of approaching and being rejected by several woman. It would also infer that you have accepted (found) the wife He has prepared specifically for you. Otherwise you will be like the youth in Proverbs 7:7 who was led astray by the woman dressed like a prostitute.

i think the only case that a woman should approach a dude is if they've been friends forever and he may hesitate messing up the friendship. otherwise, a real man will go after what he wants. a female can give the clues that she's interested or available, but i think that's enough. if he doesn't put forth any effort in getting you, he probably won't put forth the effort to keep you. not to mention you may miss out on the fun wooing phase.

since when do people value what comes too easily?

Men are only lazy if you allow them to be. I like alpha males so I refuse to accept beta behavior.

Men find the women but here's the catch: just because he spots or finds her doesnt mean he can catch her. Women ultimately choose men. That's why men are hunters because even if the woman fell outa the sky, when the time comes it's a man's duty to be proactive in working to get that woman to be his wife by any means necessary.

I'm only 23 but I'm straight up old school so I def don't believe in women taking on a man's role and being aggressive in chasing after men. Most of the time it's those women that take such an approach are the same women complaining that her man is lazy and "never takes me out; he won't do this or that, blah blah blah..." Well if dude never had to do anything in the first place to get her, why would he start pulling out all the stops all of a sudden? He is already comfortable and got what he wanted with the woman doing all the work--- which is probably why men tend to get bored with those types of women very quickly. People appreciate things they slaved blood, sweat & tears for, not what was handed to them on a silver platter. I wish more women knew their value and didnt give up their power so easily....If you don't behave in a way that indicates you are the ultimate prize worthy of being put on a pedestal, no one else will either. Act like a lady, get treated like one.

If women do not set standards, boundaries and expectations for courting (aka what his chase is going to entail) in the beginning, yes, I believe things are doomed. When I met my fiance I LAID DOWN THE LAW OF THE LAND EARLY because I knew he was one of those spoiled self-entitled dudes suffering from what you called "Talented Black Man Syndrome." I didnt care how much of a good catch he seemed to be, as a woman I was the prize not him. I don't do lazy men so he was gonna hafta hunt. That said, I told him what was required to get me and exactly how I expect to be courted and it was non-negotiable so if he didnt like it or felt I wasnt worth the effort he had the chance to get out early lol From day one the law was but not limited to: don't text me, I dont call men but I still expect regular phone conversations, I believe in weekly date night but I'm not initiating seeing you, and I'm dating with purpose so if you want an eternal girlfriend to play around with I ain't it because my time is precious and I'm not wasting it on a man that's not stepping up to the plate. Needless to say, he must felt he found his "good thing" so he pursued me. He played by the rules, told me he loved me first in about a month and 7 months later presented me with a ring and asked me to be his wife and I CHOSE to say yes.....


i apologize if this is a double post

I understand the Bible and its words on this. I understand about taking risks. But ladies will never understand how old the rejection gets. I also think that the 3/10 figure is pretty high.