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The Engagement Ring Is The Thing?

By CocoaDiva on May 20, 2009 with Comments

42-17800399Apparently I have reached the age where many of my friends are getting engaged or married.  While sitting in a recent wedding my thoughts turned toward the necessity, history,  and a few questions relating to engagement rings. 

Tradition

Surprising fact, the average engagement carat size in the United States is .38 carats.  In 1939, the average carat weight of engagement ring diamonds was 1 carat.  In1976, the average carat weight was  ¼ carat due to fluctuations in overall average income at the time. Size also varies depending on your location. Big cities like NYC and Philly average  1.6 carats, Bible Belt cities average from 0.25 and 0.40 carats, California averages about 1.0 carat but the La Jolla/Del Mar area averages 2.75 carats.  European rings average .30 carats and the stone isn’t always a diamond.

The average price spent on a diamond engagement ring these days is somewhere between $3,500 to $4,000.  Also, expect to spend  $3,500 to $5,000 for quality 1 carat stones in 18 carat or platinum settings.  The notion that 2 months’ salary should be spent on an engagement ring comes from a DeBeers marketing scheme in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds.

Women Giving Engagement Gifts or Rings

In the United States and Canada today it is becoming more common that a woman will also buy her partner an engagement ring or a wristwatch for her future husband .  However, this is usually more common if she proposed to him.

Breaking It Off

Traditionally, if the engagement is broken by the man, the woman does not have to return the ring.  Legally this concept takes a different turn depending on a no-fault, modified, or strict rule jurisdiction.  Under modified, the fiancee can demand the return of the ring unless he breaks the engagement. Under strict rule, the fiancee is entitled to the ring returned unless his actions caused the breakup of the relationship.  Under no-fault, the  fiancee is always entitled to the return of the ring. The ring only becomes the property of the woman when marriage occurs.

Unconditional gifts allow the ring to be kept by the fiance as a gift whether or not the relationship progresses to marriage. Recent court rulings state the date the ring was given matters too.   Valentine’s Day and Christmas are nationally recognized as gift giving holidays. A ring offered in the form of a Christmas present will likely remain the personal property of the recipient in the event of a break up

Questions

1) Is proposing without a ring a deal breaker?

2) I have heard a lot of “my ring must be 2 carats minimum talk.  What carat size do you find to be acceptable? 

a)If the ring doesn’t meet your “standards” what happens? 

b) Men, what size ring would you buy, and do you believe it should be two paychecks worth?

3) Would you buy your man an engagement present ie watch, big screen, etc?

4) If the engagement is called off, who does the ring belong to?

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Filed Under: Dating • For Men Only • Relationships

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  • PierreLavoisier
    I think that buying a ring is something that should match your paycheck. If you can't afford something and your girlfriend doesn't understand that then find a girl that understands that. It could save you a lot of money and trouble. The ring is mainly a symbol and the fact that some women talk about the acceptable size makes me want to bang my head against a wall and I have only thing to show for them: mens diamond ring. How many of you ladies thought about buying one of these for you sweet boyfriend?
  • Under modified, the fiancee can demand the return of the ring unless he breaks the engagement. Under strict rule, the fiancee is entitled to the ring returned unless his actions caused the breakup of the relationship. Under no-fault, the fiancee is always entitled to the return of the ring.
  • PreachaGyrl
    I was married about six months ago. The truth is I could care less about the engagement ring. I'm just glad that was found by such a wonderful man. It really isn't about the ring, while mine is nice. I'm just glad about the man I get to come home too.
  • Mystiphi
    To answer for the brothers (or myself) being sensible counts a lot. Two months salary could make a sizable down payment on a car, to a wedding , or more importantly, a house. I would buy her a ring the "fit her" more than the amount.
    True story:
    I was engaged once. I spent well under the recommended average and she said she was happy with it .. that is until other women weighed in on the size of it (about .25-.30 tcw). Then she wanted a bigger one or another as part of a set and switch the orginial to the other hand. When she broke it off, she declared she deserved to keep the ring after I was being nice and said she could have it. She sent it back three weeks later.
    Tthe engagement ring is nothing but a show thing for girls or to look down at the "unmarried ones". Like the NBA, its funny how all these rookies want big rocks and have not proven themselves like the veterans.
  • Anita
    When my husband proposed to me I seriously thought he was joking, and that I was going to have to push him down a flight of stairs 'casue that ish is not funny. Then he busted the ring out and I was like 'Oh. Okay'

    I read somewhere engagement rings didn't become common in this country until courts no longer upheld 'marriage contracts' - apparently the idea was a man would present a woman with a document of his intent to marry, and if he backed out of it she could actually sue him for damages. Eventually people figured out this was a dumb idea and stopped doing it. The ring thing then caught on as a way of offering proof a dude really did want to marry, like collateral. (I don't know if this is actually true and I'm too lazy to cite a source, but feel free to look it up yourself) These rings often contained the intended bride's birthstone

    My ring does have a diamond, but it was created in a laboratory in a pressure chamber with lasers, instead of being dug up by orphans and traded for small arms, so I don't have to feel bad about it
  • Andrea_Victoria
    A man who gives me a diamond doesn't really know me or want me. I want a beautiful ring, no diamonds, but colored precious or semi-precious stones, beautifully set, that fits my personality. stones with ancient meanings are also nice - there is a language to stones just as there is to flowers. i want a ring that is so beautiful that even if i am never proposed to, i could buy it and wear it for myself.
  • jazzyphile
    Wasn't the whole idea of an engagement ring--not just two months salary--a De Beers marketing scheme to sell diamonds?

    There is no real tradition of an egagement ring until the diamond cartels said so.
    Further, the so-called "eternity ring" where a couple married for 10 years is subject to a ring with 10 small diamonds was a scheme to dump a lot of small Russian diamonds.

    It's all marketing by the De Beers diamont thugs!
  • Diamonds may have bene enforced or made all shiny to the public but the tradition of engagement rings began way before DeBeers. DeBeers forced the idea of the diamond solitaire on the public.

    The tradition of engagement rings as we currently know it arose in the medieval era, when, in 1215, Pope Innocent III instituted a mandatory waiting period from engagement to marriage. For the first few hundred years in the tradition of engagement rings, only the wealthiest nobles could afford precious stones for their rings, and most engagement rings were simple metal bands. Plain bands are still worn as engagement rings by both men and women in many countries, including Denmark, Germany, and Sweden.
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