I Have No Idea What Is Poppin In Vegas

You Will Be Partyin' With This Dude

I just want to take a few minutes to say what is on my mind. I love all of you and wouldn’t mind seeing most of you when you drop into the city. However, I feel the need to clear up a few general misconceptions folks have about people who live in Vegas.

1) I have a job, just like you do. I do not hang out on the strip 24/7. If I did, I would be a showgirl, a hooker, or on meth. I, of course, do not partake in any of these.

2) Would you know every thing happening daily in your city? I think not.

3) Vegas folks do not go to buffets, club every weekend, or hit up every bar in town. We generally try a place out once and know if we hate it or love it.

4) What happens in Vegas ends up on facebook. Please do not call me asking me about seedy jumpoff joints, drugs, hoes, or strippers. I can refer you to Spearmint Rhino for the strippery and that is the extent of my knowledge. Don’t go to any other places and don’t tell me about it.

5) No, I don’t have friends who can hook you up at a hotel. Would you want someone calling you up at your job every weekend for the hookup? Unless we talk regularly, consult Google, or check the hotel websites for awesome package deals. The way these casinos are tanking they may throw in a free stripper. So problem 4 solved.

6) No, there are no Hip Hop clubs here. When I refer you to Poetry, don’t send me hate mail. Vegas is not like All-Star weekend, it is not chocolate city and the clubs don’t cater to you. Expect Sweet Home Alabama mixed with a lil T.I. Don’t call me the next day about how you were bored at Tryst. I warned you.

7)Addendum to 6. No, I don’t have bottle service hook ups on weekends. No you cant drink for $5 and some loose buttons. Don’t ask.

Vegas folks party off strip. So when I suggest a nice house party or swimming in my pool, don’t frown. The strip is old for us. We may sneak into Bare or a nice pool party, but generally, unless someone is throwing a slamming event, we are at the house booking plane tickets to your city. Plus we will let you spend all your money to pay for our schools and etc. We don’t feel the need to contribute.

9) Random ish happens all the time at the last minute. The Queen of England may show up and we won’t know about it. P Diddy could film making the band, bring out 4,000 midgets, and pinatas and we would never hear a peep. Why, because it happened on the strip. If Diddy was at my pool, I could tell you in advance.

10) This is all in fun. But in all honesty, Google, Las Vegas Weekly, a travel agent, asking the chick at the front desk along with a tip over $10 will get you everywhere. Tippin gets you in. Tip the bouncer, you may get a table. Tip the stripper, more lap dances for you. Just because we live here doesn’t mean we have all access passes. I can help bring your trip down but I am not Priceline, your personal negotiator.