banner ad

Obsessed: The Trust Factor

By CocoaDiva on Apr 28, 2009 with Comments

obsessedSo, like many of you, I saw Obsessed this weekend.  I actually thought it was an ok movie.  Someone must have given Beyonce a few acting lessons because she didn’t come off like that random black girl someone pulled off the streets who someone let read for a part.  No overacting here kids.   But back to the point of this post.  

Obsessed really made me think about trust in relationships.  The bottom line in this movie is that Beyonce didn’t trust her husband.  There were two situations that made me think, “How much do you trust your significant other, and what do you have to do to earn their trust?”

Trust Breach #1

Beyonce’s character found her man while working as his assistant.  Their love bloomed from an office romance into a marriage.  She claims to trust her husband but has expresssly forbidden him to hire another female assistant.  Hell, she even throws on the grown up version of her freakum dress, brushes out her lacefront, and promptly shows up to check up on the hubby and his new assistant.  

How can you proclaim to trust someone but keep them on a short leash?  I know B was worried about some hot to trot young secretary putting thier cheeks on her husband’s desk, but if you married him, don’t you just trust that he may look at a few cheeks but never grab them? 

Trust Breach #2

Ms. Crazy herself tries to kill herself and is found nekkid in my man Idris’ bed.  Beyonce shows up at the hospital and Idris does his best to convince her that he hasn’t been having an affair.  Idris has been the picture of fidelity the entire movie and does his best to show B that Single White Female has really jumped off the deep end and is the mayor of Crazytown.

 At the hospital, Beyonce had no idea that this woman was really crazy.  So, she had to operate on trust and believe that her husband was telling the truth and not having an affair.  Beyonce didn’t trust Idris and made him move out of the house for 3 months.  (Side note – I thought that was completely unrealistic.   What grown man moves out of a house he is paying for, for three months, especially if he is innocent and knows it?)

Trust Breach #3

Idris never told his wife that Crazy McStalkerson was on his case.  He never fired her, never told Beyonce of her crazy antics or let her know that his life and job were in jeopardy.  It was his responsibility to trust his wife enough to let her know about what was going on in his life.  So why not tell her about what was going on, especially when he wasn’t cheating and ultimately did nothing wrong.  His reason for not telling her was that he figured it would hurt her to tell her.  I call BS, it hurt the relationship more by casually omitting what was really going on. 

Questions (Men and Women)

How do you trust your partner to not cheat on you? 

Would you have left the hospital with your partner when all the glaring evidence points to them having an affair?  Ie Could you step out on faith?

Would the idea of having a young hot member of the opposite sex serving as your mate’s assistant bother you?  Would you worry about them cheating on you?

Why didn’t Idris trust his wife enough to tell her about the stalker.  If you trust your mate, don’t you trust them enough to tell them the truth?

Popularity: 24% [?]

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Global Grind

Filed Under: Dating • Featured • Relationships

Tags: • •

About the Author:

  • Anita
    *so* not seeing this move, but here goes anyway

    "Why didn’t Idris trust his wife enough to tell her about the stalker. If you trust your mate, don’t you trust them enough to tell them the truth?

    Yes and no. In a way, many men feel that if we can handle the situation without you all knowing, then we can save some introduced drama/insecurity."

    This is a good point; also men don't expect to be the ones getting sexually harrassed so they don't really know what to do. If a man makes unwelcome advances toward a woman that way, she'll call the police, spray him with mace, kick him in the junk, etc. But would a man do all that? Probably not (where would he even kick?) and if he did the law probably wouldn't take him seriously, and he'd end up being the bad guy.

    and, I gotta admit if my husband came home and told me some crazy naked chick tried to wrestle him to the ground, I might go find her and set her on fire. That is another thing a man may be trying to avoid by keeping his mouth shut...
  • John Williams
    How do you trust your partner to not cheat on you?
    Requires alot of work in the beginnings of the relationship, and takes some time to develop. By the time this happened, though, I think the trust should have been there, especially if there was no (mentioned) previous acts of infidelity. But then again, the movie wouldn't have lasted by 20 minutes if the trust issue had not been there.

    Would you have left the hospital with your partner when all the glaring evidence points to them having an affair? Ie Could you step out on faith?

    I firmly believe that in relationships, you have to see issues through. She should have dealt with him and the situation until the truth came out (which would have had to happen seeing as though the cops were involved.) Now I am not saying turn a blind eye, but don't hastily dip out on a situation just because you are angry. (Both men and women.)


    Would the idea of having a young hot member of the opposite sex serving as your mate’s assistant bother you? Would you worry about them cheating on you?

    For me, I think the bigger issue with her was that Beyonce met him by being a secretary for him. That is typically how things work in insecure relationships. Basketball players' wives don't want them around groupies cause they were once groupies. People who meet on the internet don't want their mates to be on the internet cause that's how they met. I call it "situational insecurity."

    But to answer your question, as a man I wouldn't be worried as much as I think women would. For me (showing my arrogance) I feel that if my woman messed around with anyone else other than me, than she is losing out. I'm too sexy for her to risk. (And vice versa.)

    Why didn’t Idris trust his wife enough to tell her about the stalker. If you trust your mate, don’t you trust them enough to tell them the truth?

    Yes and no. In a way, many men feel that if we can handle the situation without you all knowing, then we can save some introduced drama/insecurity. Had he told Beyonce' about it in teh very beginning, she would have probably started showing up to his job more often just to "see what this bitch is up to." (Direct quote from my ex in a similar situation.) We don't want to make our women paranoid, especially if we think we have it under control.

    The problem is when we lose control of it, it is hard to discuss it once it gets out of hand. (But in his case, I think he should have told his wife after the bathroom incident and the naked in the car incident.)
  • ih
    Uh, I hope you didn't just spoil the movie for me in the event I chose to go see it. :) I've always said that trust is a 2 way street. It is my responsibility to use good judgment , only enter into relationships w/people I can trust, and to check any insecurities at the door.
    On the hand, trustworthy behaviors and open communication, are required to obtain, maintain and build trust. Bottom line is that trust is not stagnant. It's a dynamic process. Its unrealistic to wholeheartedly trust someone the 1st day you meet them and expect for it to remain that way w/out any work on both people's parts.
blog comments powered by Disqus

  • Follow P.O.S.H. on Facebook

    Blog Network:
    Blog Networks