Is An Emotional Man A Lame?

It is sth beautiful to see a man cring because of love. I see this as sth strong not weak...I wish to know why men dont epress heir feelings easly like womwn..Actully I envy them they lucky ecause they are strong

I feel that often in relationships, women do a lot to impede the ability for a man to express himself. If men begin discussing how something a woman does makes him feel, he is often told to "man up" or "stop being so sensitive." Now while most men will suck it up and suppress those emotions, that doesn't make them go away. At some point, those emotions will rear their ugly heads again, and in ways that will be detrimental to the relationship. (Many men that cheat in relationships will tell you that the woman made them feel a certain way when they tried to be a good man. Just an example of suppressed feelings manifesting.)

Ultimately, ladies, you should want a man who can communicate how he feels, because it helps you to be a better person for yourself and for your interactions within the relationship. Trivial things, yea, he doesn't need to cry about. But if he has a need to express himself, it will probably behoove you to allow a man the opportunity to express himself without emasculation. (Humble Opinion)

John...I'm not sure I understand how you say women emasculate a man when he shows a little emotion.

I would love for a man to tell me when he hurts so I can help, or allow me to be helpful in an emotional period in his life. I admit I don't want a man crying every 5 minutes but that is because I am not a big ball of emotions either.

However, I don't see women even given the opportunity to know a man is going through it. Maybe some woman in a prior relationship told the guy to man up but I dont see that happening with many women. Most times we don't even know what the problem is bc men bury their emotional pain.

Well Cocoa, it is a good thing that you may not see it as a problem, because that probably means you don't do it. But there are many women who are on the other side of your fence, where they will provoke/emasculate/demean a man when he is trying to be open. Now granted, if a man has been through this in a previous relationship, then he may not be as open to the next woman emotionally. And in many cases, when a man doesn't open up, it may be because of how his previous attempts at "opening up" were viewed. I know the reason why I suppress things that I feel is because I was once told I was too sensitive because I asked the lady not to talk to me reckless. Well, from that point, I never said anything when she would demean me...but I took up residence and comfort in another woman during the hard times. Definitely not an excuse and didn't turn out well. (I should of just cursed her out and left, but then I would have been called abusive...such is life.) Point is...if women don't assist/facilitate our opening up, then it will manifest itself in other ways.

*And I am speaking from my experience and the experience of some of my cohorts. Solely my opinion, and does not apply to every man/woman.*

" (I should of just cursed her out and left, but then I would have been called abusive...such is life.) "

You should have just left (cursing optional) when you found out what she was like in the first place. You shouldn't have to put up with a mean abusive woman any more than a woman should accept abuse from a man. A person who would "provoke/emasculate/demean" someone they supposedly care about is an asshole, so the real question is why do you like women who are assholes?

Maybe someday you'll get tired of being a victim and find a woman that treats you right. In the mean time, here's a test- start showing some degree of emotion in front of each woman you date. If she makes fun of you, stop dating her. Don't even tell her why, just stop doing it (her) and move on. I guarantee your love life will improve.

Anita, I can appreciate your comments, and wish that you were having this discussion with me when I was 19. LOL. But let me address a few things...

1. I am 28 now, and have been in a good relationship for quite some time, so anything I address on the site is probably through retrospection, not a current situation. But hopefully, if some man is going through that, then he will read this discussion and get some strength to leave it be.

2. I don't think ONE relationship like that constitutes an attraction to assholes (which may be the assumption you made.) Since then, I haven't had that problem, and mainly because I, and the men that I know, tend not to go back to the same types of relationships like that. If there are some who go through those cycles, then once again, hopefully they will read this dialogue.

3. "You should have just left (cursing optional) when you found out what she was like in the first place." is the same sentiment as "I should of just cursed her out and left" so I think we are agreeing here.

4. The reason why I even address this point is because of the victimization that men and women tend to show in relationships. I listen to women all the time say that they are single because the last dude "wasn't man enough to handle a woman like this" or "I need someone who is able to handle a strong personality" which is usually codespeak for "I don't have tact and I don't know how to control myself, and he didn't give me my way when I did it." At what point do people start owning up to the contributions that they make towards allowing things to happen to them on both sides? (I agree with you totally about ending the cycle of being a victim in multiple relationships...I just don't think it applied to my situation but maybe to someone else's.) So I think that there are lessons to be learned by both men and women from this particular discussion and blog , and thus is my reason for pointing out this particular aspect of the discussion.

I often hear that "women are emotion creatures". That is the biggest piece of garbage i have every heard. Men are not emotionless, its just that our ideas of manhood does not look kindly on being open and honest about feelings in relationships. How many men do you know how talk openly about not having their mom around while growing up with relatives? If we are taught not to cry or be emoition then , when we get to the relationship, we just hit repeat.

I have been through a few break ups at real bad points in my life, like grad school of all places, but I had some good friends to talk me through. If a women can be down for me when I'm down, that is who I'm looking for.

I have no problem with men expressing/showing emotion. In fact, I welcome it. Men often carry a lot of weight on their shoulders and it cannot be healthy to always put up a "hard" facade. I like men to display appropriate emotional responses. Society has stripped them of that ability.

Crying/Showing emotion to CERTAIN situations should not equate to "bitchassness." While I would look at a man a little sideways if he cried over a paper cut or something trivial. However, remorse, anger, frustration, sadness, hurt and fears really does warrant a few tears in certain situations. A "good cry" works wonders sometimes!