Is Courting a Lost Art?

By CocoaDiva on Mar 03, 2009 with Comments

Is Courting Dead Back in the day, a man courted a woman with intents of marriage. These days a girl is supposed to feel lucky if her suitor calls her back, shows up when he says he will, or actually shows some dedicated follow through. It also seems that dating has become less and less original and we aren’t dating for marriage, but dating for buttcheeks.

Johns Hopkins University sociologist Andrew Cherlin defines traditional courtship: “a process where parents and others kept watch while young people found a spouse. It had rules, steps carried out in view of everyone. It meant sitting in a parlor and chatting with parents. In the 1950s, it was an elaborate routine of going steady, getting pinned, getting engaged and then going on to marriage. You might not have sex until then.”

“I think there is a growing recognition that something has been missing over the last decade. Women especially are increasingly fed up with the so-called ‘hook-up’ culture.

The Dates

1. Random holler: Woman is approached in some unoriginal fashion ala “Hey girl, you are sexy….or “Wassup girl, you gotta man.” So, when a guy approaches, and strings together sentences and makes us laugh, we jump at the chance to take this man up on a offer at a first date.

2. Date 1: Some restauraunt, movie, or the like….where you don’t really have a chance to determine if dude is cool or not but you get the feeling he has no bodies in his freezer, didn’t sleep with your best friend, and doesn’t make you zone out and think of all the work you have on your desk.

3. Date 2-3: More of the same unoriginal pattern dating…..YAAWWWN.

4. Date 3-4: Couch dating. Somewhere you felt comfortable to go to his crib or have him come to yours. Now …surprise surprise….you watch movies on the couch…and possibly get felt up! Original ain’t it??

What happened to coming up with an original date? – When did men stop trying to woo the woman, and when did the idea of a date become limited to a fancy dinner? When did less become acceptable and when did women start settle for a lack of originality, zero follow through, and a general lack of respect for our feelings in dating?

Free Dates Are Hot! – What happened to picnics, plays, trips to the zoo, long walks, making some pottery, chillin’ at a local coffee house, art gallery exhibits, museums and etc. I mean we are here to learn about you not that you can do the most at XYZ’s or that you hired an interior decorator….boooorrrring.

Ladies it’s not all the man’s fault – I, like many of you, think that most of the responsibility for determining the tone of a new interaction is set by how the man views the woman or what they feel they can get. Leon and Amy Krauss state the following:

“Obstacles to lasting love that young people face include “the feminist movement, which for years disparaged women who put private happiness and family life ahead of career and self-advancement,” says Kass. He also cites the effects of declining morality: “Women complain now about the difficulty of getting men to commit. But they don’t see that it is the easy access of sexual pleasure that contributes to male irresponsibility.”

So the Single Ladies movement and a lack of keeping it in your pants have killed Courtship and dating? I don’t completely agree, while these factors, I believe they have played a large part in men doing the bare minimum to draw us in. I feel as though since women all over are settling for a lack of originality, men know they don’t have to work hard to woo a woman. When a woman starts demanding more or hinting that she wants more originality, men head for the hills. Why work hard at what comes naturally? Why commit to dating one person or why show your new interest any dating respect? These things just make a woman “high maintenance” these days, not interesting, or accepting of the status quo.

Instant Gratification Has Lowered Expectations Leading to Wack Dating – We live in a society filled with Veruca Salts…”We want it now!!!” Instant gratification and laziness have made men and women a little slutty and less inclined to be original. I think we all need to take a step back and wade a little bit in the 1950’s behavior, stop trying to impress each other and step outside the box. If people took great spontaneous first dates where the mask is removed, we would all get a better idea of whether the new prospect is a lame duck or Prince(ss) Charming.

Bottom Line

Men if you are gonna be heading up households….impress us with all that leading power and show us something new and think outside the box.

Ladies, keep it in your pants and demand more than dinner and a move/move it on to the couch….suggest a little something new.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Men……what are your thoughts about the lack of courtship and how does it get fixed?

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