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Etiquette, Relationship Titles, and Introductions

By CocoaDiva on Mar 22, 2009 with Comments

Titles or No Titles?

Titles or No Titles?

I was out with a few friends a few nights ago and an interesting topic came up in conversation. A friend of mine was introduced to another female in our group by her boyfriend. The boyfriend introduced my friend to the other woman by her name only ie “Hi X this is Y.”   He didn’t include any titles such as girlfriend, significant other, boo, wifey etc.

My friend got a little upset because she wondered why he failed to indroduce her with her title of “girlfriend.”  She felt as though if he left that part out of the introduction that he had something to hide.   I didn’t agree with her evaluation.

As I am Miss Magnolia’s child, I wanted to figure out what is the proper way to adress one’s partner in public.

According to Miss Manners and Emily Post, introductions should be kept simple.   There is no need to refer to your parter in childish  terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” or the icky and pretentious “significant other.”     Although the terms boyfriend and girlfriend  seem to be the most acceptable, these words stopped being cool somewhere around 18 years old. 

The person you are dating should simply be introduced by their name.   Your relationship status is personal and doesn’t need to be shared with everyone.  Also, by just introducing your partner by their name it prevents any embarassing situations like the above or for those who are living in the grey area. 

However, while labels can be childish, many people think the lack of a title just makes the situation awkward, especially for the person who is being introduced.  Other folks expect you to give them a title, or best believe a fight is gonna happen when they get home.

Do you prefer to be introduced with a title that explains your relationship, or are you completely indifferent?

Do you think titles like boyfriend, girl friend, and significant other are childish?

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  • namaste
    According to etiquette international when introducing family it is correct to speak of thge relationship to avoid awkward moments. I do not see what this rule would not hold true when handling on'es significant other. In todays society some people choose to not marry for one reason or another or are denied that ability entirely. To not acknowledge a relationship because it is not marital is disrespectful...thereby making it improper etiquette in my estimation.

    ~namaste
  • lady
    Lol, as territorial as men are- you mean to mell me they don't like titles? That's only when whoever is on their arm is seen as dispensable to them. If they know they have a prize, they'll mark their territory like a dog marks a tree- and make sure everyone is clear. It's the game players that love the 'grey' undefined bs.

    If you don't want a girlfriend-cool Many girls don't want a boyfriend. Holla at one of them and stop tryna BS the ones that do.
  • tell it like it t.i.iz
    This is interesting...I think it really comes down to the situation. If in a professional environment, the only time it would be absolutely necessary is if someone is introducing their significant other (fiancee/husband/wife). Now, if its someone introducing a girlfriend/boyfriend to his/her friends, sorry...I have to agree with Steve Harvey (in his new book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man")--there isn't much more going on there than the fact that the brotha's just looking for the cookie. lol
  • Ret
    He should have introduced her as his girlfriend. What if the other woman found him attractive. This will avoid any misunderstanding and make it clear to her that he is taken...it keeps things simple. Besides, when a man cares for you he will make it known to others that he is your man.
  • swiv
    a girl doesn't get the title until we've had the talk. i don't go around introducing someone as my girl, but if they ask, that's how she'll be referred to.
  • TheEtiquetteExpert
    I agree with Lynnette. If there is a clear relationship; whether it be a family member, significant other or co-worker; it should be communicated in the introduction so there are not any misunderstandings as to the nature of the relationship.

    That said, many romantic relationships are not as cut and dry or the person making the introductions may not feel comfortable sharing that intimate detail with that particular person/group. In that scenario just introduce the person by their name but make sure to communicate to your partner why you felt the need to avoid using a title when introducing them.
  • mystiphi
    I think introductions should be kept simple (none of my past girlfriends have introduced me as "my boyfriend"). I also agree that the bf/gf titles should be ditched after the age of 19. I think in an introduction, body language my say it all: is she/he holding you close or your hand when introduced?(I do not hold hands with my homegirls or someone i am on an outing with). Its small PDA, but sends the message loud and clear and you shouldn't be confused as to where you stand either.
  • lynnette
    I don't believe titles are childish. If you are living in the gray area at the time of introduction then you should simply be introduced by your name. If you didn't know you were in the gray area, then shame on you for not knowing where you stand in the relationship and setting yourself up for embarrassment.

    Introducing people with a title leaves less room for suspicions and confusion. If a friend of mine introduces her male friend to me as her boyfriend than I know not to wink at him or send any other flirtatious signals (if I were single of course).

    I agree with Caroline in that a title is territorial in a good way. It shows pride in your SO and that you're not ashamed of you status. Plus, it shows that you are a special part of someone's life. (unless you're in that gray area). I introduce my mom as, this is my mom Ms. ___ and my brother as, my lil bro _____, and my coworker as, my boss Jamie or coworker Janet, so forth and so on, and when it comes to you its just (first name here)! Sounds a little fishy, like you’re less significant, but hey, to each its own. I just know my man introduces me as the misses and that works for me.
  • Try this after the exchange of names: "Jessica and I met at xyz. We know (name of host) through (person's name or event)." This answers the question, 'How do they know each other without being evasive. It's also a great way to start the conversation.
  • Caroline
    I don't know, it really depends on what the "relationship" is like with you and that person. If you two are just casually seeing each other, then I think a first-name only introduction is more than suitable. But if you are an item and are exclusively seeing each other AND are in a relationship, then I think you should be referred to as boyfriend/girlfriend. I just like to be forthcoming with people instead of people always being nosey on some "so what's up with you and so & so?". Also, I think that introduction is territorial, in a good way. Folks aren't coming at you or your S.O. all kinds of side ways and disrespectful if they know what the situation is.
  • Modern Day Gentleman
    I do not believe titles are necessary. Simple introductions are quite sufficient and appropriate. The one exception is if you are married. There's no grey area with marriage. "Hi, this is my wife Jane..." It's the gentlemanly thing to do. There's also the incentive of knowing that if you don't introduce your wife in that fashion that your clothes will be burned the following morning. I think that's incentive enough for me.
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