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Get Your Mind Right, Domestic Violence Is NO Joke!

By CocoaDiva on Feb 10, 2009 with Comments

I must admit I am kind of disappointed in the responses I have seen regarding the  Chris Brown and Rihanna “domestic violence” situation.  True, we don’t know the true deal and can only speculate.  If Rihanna was indeed beaten, I am really at a loss as to how people can congratulate or condone the behavior of CB.  There are rumors swirling around about Rihanna giving CB herpes, or that their relationship was on the rocks because of her controlling nature.  Folks even went so far as to comment on her island background as being the reason for her attitude problem and that CB was right for his actions.   The Hell???

No one is talking about Chris Brown’s actions, his family history with domestic violence, or the fact that he is a grown ass man hitting a woman! Why are we so forgiving of acts of violence and crimes in the black community.  Yes, we all need prayer.  But sometimes we need to let the people who commit crimes know….wrong is wrong.  But hey, R. Kelly is writing Trapped in the Closet Part 600, and we will all go buy it right???

What people fail to realize is that at the end of the day, a woman was victimized.  There are no excuses.  I was joking with a few people on facebook about the Herpes comment.  If he indeed received an STD from Rhianna he should act like a damn grown up.  Take your cheeks to the clinic for inspection, drug that ass up, and call TMZ and them.  Do not resort to ass whoopin.  What purpose does that serve.  Now your ass AND your fists burn.  Not worth it homey. 

And for all you men out there, yes, men can be victims of domestic violence.  So, we don’t know if Rhianna took off those 6inch stilettos and whooped CB’s behind Ike and Tina style.  But the truth is, he weighs 195 pounds ( he is tall folks).  She doesn’t weigh as much as he does and he didn’t have to respond. 

Bossip reports -

Update -the blogs are saying Rihanna started it..over seeing a phone number in his phone from some chick he has been seeing on the side….. 

Law enforcement sources have now gotten specific with us… police took pictures of Rihanna’s injuries and they are “horrific.”

As we reported, the photos show major contusions on both sides of the singer’s face — there is serious swelling and bruising. Her lip is split and her nose bloody. We have now confirmed there are bite marks on one of her arms and on several fingers.

And we now know this… Rihanna claims Brown struck her with his fists and that’s what did the damage. There was no object used in the alleged attack. Rihanna refused treatment at the scene, but before she left cops took photos. We’re told the photos alone are “devastating proof of abuse.” And we’ve learned it was not Rihanna who called 911. Someone in the area heard her screams and called 911.

Rhi Rhi started it “allegedly.”  Even if she did, he is a grown ass man.  Show me the stilettoe marks!!!!   That wasn’t a come-one girl stop trippin….that was an A@@ BEATING!!

 Here Are  A Few Domestic Violence Facts To Think about. 

 African Americans, especially African American Women, suffer deadly violence from family members at rates decidedly higher than for other racial groups in the United States. However, it is observed that research concerning family violence among African Americans is inadequate.

  • The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.
  • Overall, African Americans were victimized by intimate partners a significantly higher rates than persons of any other race between 1993 and 1998. Black females experienced intimate partner violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced intimate partner violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races.
  • African-American women experience significantly more domestic violence than White women in the age group of 20-24.
  • Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.
  • Male violence against women does much more damage than female violence against men; women are much more likely to be injured than men.
  • Intimate partners committed 3% of the nonfatal violence against men.
  • Women accounted for 85% of the victims of intimate partner violence, men for approximately 15%.
    Intimate partner violence made up 20% of all nonfatal violent crime experienced by women in 2001.
  • 27% of female victims and 15% of male victims reported that the offender threatened to kill them.
  • In 2000, 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims.
  • Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderers
  • Surveys find that men and women assault one another and strike the first blow at approximately equal rates.

What Gives People……Domestic Violence is wrong in any fashion.  How can you blame the victim?

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Filed Under: Dating • Featured • For Men Only • Relationships

About the Author:

  • Valtrex (valacyclovir) for Herpes Zoster: I was able to take Valtrex within 14 hours of the onset of the rash and I feel that it helped suppress what could have been a disaster. It has been three days on Valtrex and I am beginning to feel myself. The rash suppressed it's growth and is beginning the second and third cycle of healing.
  • MissA
    I've had to tap a lot of black men on their shoulders to say "Excuse me sir, but your misogynist is showing".

    LoL. This case has really brought out the truth in folks opinions. It's awesome though- I'm definitely using it as another filter. Dude will not pass go, will not collect $200. Man shortage my a$$.

    You think it's cool to beat a woman the way CB beat Rihanna (in that punka$$ bull$hit excuse of *self defense*) if a woman slaps you? Anybody read the police report? This is what men call self defense? Repeated punches, head smashed against windows, fingers bitten, lumped up like a dude? All to defend yourself from a slap (that didn't even happen, but let's go ahead an play like it did). Cool, nExT!
  • Good Post. I'm a bit late on the discussion, but a comment is a comment...

    I don't condone domestic violence at all. It's a serious problem, but sometimes I think people are quick to throw that term around without knowing all the facts. If a chick slaps a dude and he pushes her away hard, is that domestic violence? Sure if she were to call the police, he would get arrested or get a citation for it. That's my first point.

    2nd thing. Though I don't condone CB's actions, I immediately speculated that she must have cheated on him or did something involving another male to make him spaz like that. There aren't too many things that would lead a semi-regular or regular dude to respond like that. Though he kinda ODed, I could in some twisted way see why he went off the deepend if it turns out she cheated or sumthin.
  • pamputae
    who cares why he hit her?

    why the fuck are we still talking about WHY he hit her?

    WHO GIVES A SHIT?

    NO MATTER WHAT his reason is he is NOT justified. so the "why" of it all... why the fuck are we still talking about that?

    you know what disgusts me?

    people like Usher and Kanye who come out with statements supporting Rihanna and then backtrack and support Chris.

    listen, if Rihanna puts her foot down HER career might be over.

    funny how white people seem to be the only folks with some sense regarding this whole issue.
  • I think many Black people try to justify domestic violence due to ignorance. When you lack knowledge, you believe that is how love should look. I teach high school and many of the kids think a lot of the teachers are in abusive relationships. This is all many of them have ever known and they don't see anything wrong with it.

    I also think many people who grow up with lower social class values find domestic violence as a way of life. It is the norm for them and when someone speaks out against it, people look and laugh. It doesn't matter how much money a person has, if they still have the same values that is what they are going to hold dear and near to them. And not to sound old-fashioned, but if Chris Brown knew he was sexually active with Rhianna and they were having unprotected sex, did he not know what the possible consequences could have been? That goes back to ignorance. I am not suggesting that he has and STD or not, but if that is the case he must have missed that lesson in health class.
  • You seem to lack, even, a basic understanding of domestic violence and who its victims are! If you would have gone to the link I posted and taken the time to view the memorial, you would clearly understand that domestic violence does not discriminate! I would also like to take this opportunity to let you know that while most domestic violence incidents are reported by poor and working class women, the victims who are LEAST likely to report domestic violence are middle and upper class women. They do not report it because of their status and/or social standing...it is embarrassing to them...so, they do not report it...that is fact! Class, race, education-or lack of, socioeconomic status, and religion has nothing to do with who will and will not become a victim. I usually refrain from getting on my soapbox, but your comment was very judgemental. What you seem to be saying is that black people are poor, ignorant, and uneducated and, therefore, domestic violence is natural. So natural, in fact, that you argue that even if someone becomes successful they cannot escape their natural violent tendencies. Your statement is harsh, prejudicial, and...if I might add...ignorant.
  • Domestic violence leads to death, far too often!. Please take a few moments to watch the memorial for homicide victims of domestic violence on the following link.

    http://www.justiceforbarbara.com/Victim_Memoria...
  • sheni
    So, it's rumored that Rihanna gave him herpes....wow...it's been a long time since I heard of a woman raping a man. Seriously, it takes two to tango and he should have had her tested b4 bumpin and grindin in the dark...who's fault is it that HE got an STD from consentual sex? That is if the rumors are true and that it's really Rihanna that he hit. And being a man that hit a woman out of anger is a sad, sad pathos thing. He should have been scared of hitting her in the first place...that is if he valued living....
  • TBC
    Interesting discussion. Feel free to keep the silent observers posted as you discover more information. Very remarkable comments so far. Great job for tackling it head on.
  • it sure is easy to judge when you're sitting on the sidelines. of course everyone in here is just going to take the high road when their MATE a. steps out of them and b. gives them a disease they CAN'T cure. no one is saying him hitting her ass is right.

    i also heard she was choking him, too.
  • pamputae
    no offense swiv, but you sure do sound like the typical black male jackass that might actually beat his wife.

    i honestly hope your daughter gets beat black and blue someday for being dumb enough to hurt some black man in some kind of way (by cheating on him, giving him herpes, something stupid that doesnt warrant a beatdown) so that you an see just how stupid it is to even remotely defend this shit.

    the best thing about domestic violence happening in the public arena is that its nice to find out who's really a jackass in real life. its good to find out who supports a woman getting a beatdown under any circumstances at all. its good to find out whose daughter might some day get a beatdown/whose son might chris brown it out just because their mummy/daddy raised them to see domestic violence as tolerable under certain conditions.

    good to know the douchebags among us can come clean.
  • swiv
    i've never raised hands on a woman, nor have a abdicated what he did was right. in fact, i already said it was wrong. or didn't you catch that? now, it's been revealed that she didn't give him herpes. so this conversation is effectively moot.

    however, in the instance that a woman/man does give a man/woman an incurable disease on top of that cheating on him, i can most definitely understand why he'd/she'd lay hands on her/him. how would YOU react if your man gave you HIV from a partner ourside of your relationship? would you just cry and keep it pushing or would you lose control in the heat of the moment?

    it sure is easy to judge others when you're not in the situation, but i strongly doubt most people would react very much differently. and i'm willing to bet that if the situation were reversed, many of the women in here would sure be ok with her hitting him. women seem to think that they can do whatever the hell they want to a man because we're not supposed to hit them.
  • Dude, I don't understand how any communicable disease plays any part in raising your fists to a person. Sue, lotion up them cheeks, or anything else but violence. B/c guess what Big Jim/or Sally is gonna rip you a new one when you end up in jail for criminal charges.

    Which is better
    1. A lil medication, and court fees
    2. Medication, handcuffs, ass whippin in jail, and a new "buddy"

    I choose 1. for men and women.
  • Andrea
    How about some reality here? At the core of this is how quick we are to throw fists, male, female, whatever. No one needs to be using his or her hands on anyone else, for any reason, Period. STD? Medicate and sue (but check yourself first - did you insist on safe sex?). Phone number? Walk away. Any other sign of disrespect? Try talking it out and if that doesn't work, Walk away. None of needs to get after anyone who disrespects us and no amount of hitting them will teach them to respect you - it actually lowers the whole standard of respect overall.
  • BD
    look. we don't know if the fight was about herpes or his cheating ways. in either case i think it was wrong for anyone to be hitting anyone else.

    it's hard for me to speculate as to how i would react to getting HIV from a partner. i've never been in a relationship where cheating was a problem, nor has violence been the norm in past relationships or upbringing. i imagine i would yell, curse, and cry. i highly doubt i would haul off and hit him in the jaw. the only time i have ever hit a man was in self-defense. some random man ina club touched me NOT on my butt, if you catch my drift.
  • swiv
    semantics. i see you still deflected and avoided the question. herpes and HIV is way more of a valid comparison than a phone number and herpes.
  • BD
    Hey Black Man,

    What more about the story do we need to hear? He hit her and she has visible contusions. Is that ever acceptable? Furthermore, why are you personalizing the women's reactions to this incident as an attack on all black men. Really, we are attacking Chris Brown hitting Rihanna. No more, no less.
  • BD
    HIV, you mean. no one can give you AIDS.

    and herpes and hiv isn't a ridiculous comparison? with herpes you can pop a valtrex and K.I.M.!
  • Fanta
    there are inherent physiological differences between men and women. get over it. just as a woman must ultimately be responsible for her body when it comes to having sex (since she is the one who can get pregnant), a man must ultimately be responsible for checking himself in a "fight" with a woman, if he is the more dominant force physically.
  • swiv
    phone number vs. herpes.

    lets get some levity here. seriously. that's the most ridiculous comparison ever. no one's saying it's right for him to hit her. but i understand it if she gave his ass something he can't get rid of. but lets say your man gave you AIDS. how would YOU react?
  • BD
    1. um, i don't care what she gave him (if that's even true). hitting her wasn't going to rid him of the herpes. he needed to have more self-control, and better anger management
    2. what man hits a woman? i don't care who started what. the most he should have done was tried to restrain her. he acted out of anger, not fear for his life. trust, chris brown didn't feel physically threatened by rihanna. toe for toe, it's not a fair fight. i mean, would a healthy man fight a handicapped person?
    3. do the men who defend chris' right to hit rihanna because she gave him herpes also defend rihanna's right to hit chris if she found the alleged phone number of another woman in his phone? he shouldn't have given her reason to hit him, right? WRONG. it's not right no matter how you slice it. to me, if she hit him first and he hit her back, they were both wrong. but he was especially wrong because he is stronger than her. he should have walked away.
  • swiv
    lets assume she gave him herpes. she assaulted him. you can heal from a black eye. you can't get rid of herpes. that ish is for life.
  • I am not saying domestic violence is right or wrong. Plus, we will never know who hit who. Pleeeeeease. I am an attorney.....each side is gonna cry self defense. Also, regardless if she hit him first, he was going to do more damage as a grown tail man whoppin up on a woman.

    Let's use our words people, not our fists....come on!
  • From what I understand, its just a rumor. Besides, what does that have to do with him beating her?
  • Black man
    Thats the problem right there if you read todays latest gossip it proves what I have been saying for so long this chick hit dude first! So what do you have to say about it now? You people are so quick to jump to conclusions about black men and I dont know how many sistahs are on here but its a shame that even in our own community we have to defend ourselves before any info comes out. Statistically yes there are more incidents of men beating up women but seriously though give a chance for the story to come out! I went on a friends facebook page and let them know what the deal was and that did not stop anyone from trying to blame this brotha. She hauled off and hit dude several times what is he supposed to do take it? Its like this plain and simple you jump up like a man then I have no choice but to act like a man.
  • Godschild
    wow people like you are what's the problem with the black community and why we are depicted the way we are. Oh, because so many of us are-- just sad individuals. If this is your mentality than you are a low class individual.
  • swiv
    so she didn't give him herpes?
  • I've noticed in interesting pattern with (some) black people: immediately jump to the defense of the "stronger" person.

    O.J. and Nicole: She deserved it, he was paying all that money...
    R. Kelly and 10- 12 y.o. child: She was "hot" and wanted him
    Chris and Rihanna: What did she do to him to make him act like that?

    I don't know what happened but many people are trying to find a way to blame Rihanna, but the truth is that he average man is much stronger than the average woman, he could usually hurt her much worse than she could hurt him.
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