thats all im saying because this is still pure nonsense to me.

black people don't formally matchmake because we're just not good at it; but informally people introduce each other to friends all the time. but black people are just less inclined to do so in general i'd say, because the standoffishness is strong in our group, especially as we get bougier and bougier.

LMAO!!!!!

i'm willing to be a lot of those so called relationship experts are single themselves. good grief.

1. FLIRT WITH MEN YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN
My mamma said practice makes perfect, practice on all the ugly ducklings you want until Prince Charming comes along. What better way is there to get your dating game tight or to determine your own likes and dislikes. Try smiling more and looking available rather than sitting with your girls mean mugging the entire room so you have formed this impenetrable force of negativity. Not a good look….

2. GET FIVE FRIENDS TO HOOK A SISTER UP

Excellent idea. Umm Scandalized….who do you have for friends?? My closest girlfriends know me best and some of my better hookups have come from good friends.

I think that its pretty sad if your friend won't hook you up. Then you don't have friends who truly want to see you happy. Widen your net. On the guy note, If you have a guy friend or a man who was never that in to you….YES he will hook you up with a good homeboy…….this makes me really question the people you know……

I don't think the article reads dear desperate get five dates this week. I think it may mean let your friends know you are interested in finding a good candidate. Most of us have friend zone characters that deserve good partners. Hook em up

Change in 09!!

3. DO THE WORK FOR HIM
Ladies don't get it twisted….you are not in the 20's and 30's. Get off your lazy cheeks and plan a date….hell suprise him and pay. Don't let dating just happen to you. Hell it shows your interest level. I doubt there is one dude who won't appreciate you planning a date. 1) it shows what you are interested in 2) It shows you arent a lazy broad who expects the dude to pay for every thing.

4. STOP APPEARING UNAVAILABLE
There is an art to appearing unavailable. I think too much is being read into what is being said. No man wants a needy, clingy or always available woman. However, sometimes we have to get off our Strong Black Woman podium and pencil dude in. He knows we have 3,000 things to do. However, if you are NEVER available or offer some of your time to him….someone else is.

5. SEEK SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE
TI do think hitting up your pastor for dates is a bit much. However, why not try out the church singles ministry. True, its mostly filled with women but you never know what you are going to find.

6. TAKE AN AP CLASS IN DATING
What is wrong with a few tips on dating from relationship experts. Clearly, we could all use some insight or else sites like P.O.S.H. or books like He's Just Not That Into You wouldn't exist. Face it, you may need some advice….it doesnt make you a loser just more informed.

7. GET OUT OF TOWN
What is wrong with expanding your net? Face it, Mr. Right may not live in your hometown. And Evvvvvveryone is practice till you find the one. No one said you had to marry Mr. Chicago, but you can get some good man tips, brush up on your dating style and expand your friend and network base. How much could it really hurt you…..I mean seriously.

8. BE BOLD, GET YOUR MAN

Ladies, face it we are in 2009 and there is nothing wrong with putting out suble hints for a man to act on. Face it he may not notice eye winking or that come hither stare your giving…You might have glaucoma or something…THEY DON”T ALWAYS PICK UP ON IT….they aren't that in tune to Female Flirt 101. I think there is nothing wrong with the business card idea from the article. Now going to his house is too much for a first date. But it broke the ice and got her a call back interview. I have done such methods and had no problem. Trick him into making the first move…the man in the 2000's still wants to be a man but if you just wait for him to fall into your lap you may be waiting a long time…..he is that oblivious.

9. LEAVE THE BAGGAGE BEHIND
Co-Sign 100%

10. HAVE A HOUSE PARTY
Best Idea ever. Having one of these at my house this weekend…its really a game night.

But then again-what are we expecting, this is Essence we're talking about. Essence is forever on some eternal bull$h!t leading endless streams of woman astray.

The only thing I can even remotely agree with in their list of “suggestions” is point #2. Using friends and family as matchmakers can lead to some potentially fulfilling relationships. This is one thing I've noticed black ppl doing much less than many other races/cultures. We're either too busy coochie-cock blocking or “minding our own business” to facilitate a setup, or we're too busy being hurt or offended by the insinuation that we need “help” to allow ourselves to be set-up.

My only modification to that though- is it's not always best to just seek the help of friends (who are also likely looking for the same things as you). The conflict of interest there should be evident. Talking to family members who know you well, co-workers (with caution of course) family friends, mentors- etc may be a good idea. Ultimately you decide how many folks you really want out in the field on your behalf- but one or two *sales reps* out marketing for you can only help.

Other than that, Essence needs to wrap that crap up.

1. good advice.

2. what? first of all, most girls will NOT hook up other girls. second, it comes off as somewhat desperate. third, guys hoard pussy and do not hook up girls either. this is completely unrealistic unless there is obvious chemistry that the friend HAS to facilitate. but asking five friends? yeah id like to see someone successfully pull that off. it's not happening. aithyni, if you can pull this one off, please blog about your experiences on each of the five dates. but can you get all five? if you can, im proud of you.

3. what guy wants a woman to tell him what to do? isnt that highly emasculating? especially on the first date?

4. women who appear too available are totally pathetic. guys hate it when a girl is always there at their beck and call. maybe being too unavailable is a bad thing, but being too available is MUCH worse. there are some guys who like girls to be doormats, but the woman ends up getting screwed in the end. it's a delicate balance that this part of the article seems not to stress.

5. asking your priest for a date is really REALLY desperate sounding. im sorry, but that is crazy. and what if you don't do church on a weekly basis and you don't know your pastor by name? does this only work for people who live in the same town they grew up in?

6. an AP class in dating? really? that just made my jaw drop due to how extra it sounds.

7. why start a relationship with someone who lives far away? if you're on vacation ten miles away this might not be too bad, but why begin to fall for someone who lives across the pond? what???

8. this girl had her first date with this man at HIS house? i take it her vagina was for dessert. did they stay together? im guessing the answer is hell no. being bold is cool, but THAT bold is off the chain.

9. good advice. but honestly, as far as im concerned, most men date to get over other women, and most women date because they're ready for something new. this advice about not talking about the exes should be for guys, not girls.

10. who the hell invites strangers into their home? what???

look, im sure this advice column was a good idea, but next time get a GUY to write it and it might be just a tad bit more realistic/helpful. im sorry, but this article is very troubling to me.

if anyone has any success with these points, id love to know. otherwise, can you offer the exact same post from a guy's perspective? id love to know what a guy thinks a woman should do to get a boo.