Comments on: The Plight of the Good Woman http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/ Health, Fitness, Relationships, and Beauty Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:37:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Single Black Male http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-2601 Single Black Male Sat, 14 Feb 2009 03:43:47 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-2601 I have heard this argument once too many times. Whether it was from my friends in college, my female friends now, their single and bitter buddies, or on various blogs across the internet ... the "There are no good men" or the buddy argument "Good men don't know a good thing" argument are just played out and ... well ... tired.<br><br>I don't mean to come here and speak badly or anything, but I'm just tired of getting it from all angles.<br><br>Ralph said it best ... these 3 premises are false and they act as a comfort for the single. I used to say the reverse when I was single and unhappy ... "Good women don't know a good man" or "There are no good women" ... but after a little introspection and being real with myself ... I was the common denominator.<br><br>If real mean didn't know how to commit to and get good women ... everyone everywhere would be single ... end of story. I have heard this argument once too many times. Whether it was from my friends in college, my female friends now, their single and bitter buddies, or on various blogs across the internet … the “There are no good men” or the buddy argument “Good men don't know a good thing” argument are just played out and … well … tired.

I don't mean to come here and speak badly or anything, but I'm just tired of getting it from all angles.

Ralph said it best … these 3 premises are false and they act as a comfort for the single. I used to say the reverse when I was single and unhappy … “Good women don't know a good man” or “There are no good women” … but after a little introspection and being real with myself … I was the common denominator.

If real mean didn't know how to commit to and get good women … everyone everywhere would be single … end of story.

]]> By: Single Black Male http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1687 Single Black Male Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:43:47 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1687 I have heard this argument once too many times. Whether it was from my friends in college, my female friends now, their single and bitter buddies, or on various blogs across the internet ... the "There are no good men" or the buddy argument "Good men don't know a good thing" argument are just played out and ... well ... tired.<br><br>I don't mean to come here and speak badly or anything, but I'm just tired of getting it from all angles.<br><br>Ralph said it best ... these 3 premises are false and they act as a comfort for the single. I used to say the reverse when I was single and unhappy ... "Good women don't know a good man" or "There are no good women" ... but after a little introspection and being real with myself ... I was the common denominator.<br><br>If real mean didn't know how to commit to and get good women ... everyone everywhere would be single ... end of story. I have heard this argument once too many times. Whether it was from my friends in college, my female friends now, their single and bitter buddies, or on various blogs across the internet … the “There are no good men” or the buddy argument “Good men don't know a good thing” argument are just played out and … well … tired.

I don't mean to come here and speak badly or anything, but I'm just tired of getting it from all angles.

Ralph said it best … these 3 premises are false and they act as a comfort for the single. I used to say the reverse when I was single and unhappy … “Good women don't know a good man” or “There are no good women” … but after a little introspection and being real with myself … I was the common denominator.

If real mean didn't know how to commit to and get good women … everyone everywhere would be single … end of story.

]]> By: Miss Journey http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1537 Miss Journey Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:43:29 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1537 Oh so true! Great post!<br><br>~Holding onto that little shred of hope,<br>Miss Journey Oh so true! Great post!

~Holding onto that little shred of hope,
Miss Journey

]]> By: GSW http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1508 GSW Fri, 26 Dec 2008 13:49:19 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1508 The problem is most women pick the wrong man in the first place!<br><br>And I used the word "man" loosely!! The problem is most women pick the wrong man in the first place!

And I used the word “man” loosely!!

]]> By: Robert http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1507 Robert Fri, 26 Dec 2008 09:11:16 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1507 I don't know. I'm having a hard time buying this discussion. We always have these generalized discussions and everybody who partcipates is an "exception" to the problem. Women say good men are hard to find and don't want good women. Men say we're good men and good women are hard to find or are captivated by the thugs. It's always somebody else who is at fault.<br><br>I believe there are enough good men that the women who are serious don't have to be alone. Those who live to complain will be complaining regardless.<br><br>But let's put it to the test.<br><br>Good man in Houston right here. Not perfect by any stretch, but good by any objective definition. I challenge all three of your "realities" as false. They are emotionally soothing statements that make women feel better being alone, but they are bogus.<br><br>It is pointless to go into a detailed discussion in a random national forum like this, but if any women in Houston read this article, we should follow this up in a local setting that can actually result in positive change. CocoaDiva, I wish you lived in Houston and could take this up personally. But I hope to find a setting with a woman as eloquent and accomplished as you described yourself in "The Qualities" section who will take up this challenge. I will put myself on trial in an objective setting.<br><br>The end result will be either I learn things I need to work on about myself; or Houston women learn things they need to work on about themselves; or somebody's plight is about to be over.<br><br>I belive that there are many more good Black men than Black women are conditioned to expect and that most of us go ignored on a daily basis. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't know. I'm having a hard time buying this discussion. We always have these generalized discussions and everybody who partcipates is an “exception” to the problem. Women say good men are hard to find and don't want good women. Men say we're good men and good women are hard to find or are captivated by the thugs. It's always somebody else who is at fault.

I believe there are enough good men that the women who are serious don't have to be alone. Those who live to complain will be complaining regardless.

But let's put it to the test.

Good man in Houston right here. Not perfect by any stretch, but good by any objective definition. I challenge all three of your “realities” as false. They are emotionally soothing statements that make women feel better being alone, but they are bogus.

It is pointless to go into a detailed discussion in a random national forum like this, but if any women in Houston read this article, we should follow this up in a local setting that can actually result in positive change. CocoaDiva, I wish you lived in Houston and could take this up personally. But I hope to find a setting with a woman as eloquent and accomplished as you described yourself in “The Qualities” section who will take up this challenge. I will put myself on trial in an objective setting.

The end result will be either I learn things I need to work on about myself; or Houston women learn things they need to work on about themselves; or somebody's plight is about to be over.

I belive that there are many more good Black men than Black women are conditioned to expect and that most of us go ignored on a daily basis. But it doesn't have to be that way.

]]> By: CocoaDiva http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1468 CocoaDiva Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:02:34 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1468 Thanks for the compliment :-) The blogs are up for discussion. I present my opinion and let the people express their views. However, it does seem like most of the women see that there is a problem with good women getting passed over. <br><br>(I have another one about men, women, and money coming soon) Thanks for the compliment :-) The blogs are up for discussion. I present my opinion and let the people express their views. However, it does seem like most of the women see that there is a problem with good women getting passed over.

(I have another one about men, women, and money coming soon)

]]> By: swiv http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1467 swiv Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:48:21 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1467 the author's pretty cute, IMO. this blog generalizes too much and is too one sided. the author's pretty cute, IMO. this blog generalizes too much and is too one sided.

]]> By: Mellow http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1466 Mellow Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:43:29 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1466 I wonder what the author looks like.. maybe that's the problem. I wonder what the author looks like.. maybe that's the problem.

]]> By: Denise http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1465 Denise Thu, 18 Dec 2008 10:02:04 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1465 My story. My man had a good job, and I was in a period of transition. I decided to start my own business, and money started rolling in. I'm thinking how great things are going to be for us. He felt threatened by what I started pulling down, and started talking to this random, plain faced chick. Yep, I'm a good woman. That crap pissed me off, of course. But I want to say this to frustrated GW out there. Know your value. If you know you're a GW, then do not settle for less than was you deserve. Don't try to make a relationship out of something that you KNOW is less than what you want. You should never be an afterthought. Relax, enjoy yourself and live your life. Mr. GM will present himself at the right time. My story. My man had a good job, and I was in a period of transition. I decided to start my own business, and money started rolling in. I'm thinking how great things are going to be for us. He felt threatened by what I started pulling down, and started talking to this random, plain faced chick. Yep, I'm a good woman. That crap pissed me off, of course. But I want to say this to frustrated GW out there. Know your value. If you know you're a GW, then do not settle for less than was you deserve. Don't try to make a relationship out of something that you KNOW is less than what you want. You should never be an afterthought. Relax, enjoy yourself and live your life. Mr. GM will present himself at the right time.

]]> By: Anita http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1464 Anita Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:02:18 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1464 I always thought Volvos were overpriced...<br><br>unfortunately finding a mate isn't nearly as logical as finding a car, you can't just pick a weekend when you feel like husband-shopping and pick a shiny new one off the showroom floor. <br><br>You ask "So when we choose you why do you suddenly have a problem with the choice?" maybe because... that choice isn't the right one to begin with? Otherwise both parties actually would be okay with it. <br><br>There is this stereotype that men never want to get married and women always want to get married and that this is perfectly normal. Actually men don't mind getting married if they find the right woman (and plenty of women never want to be married at all) So if the mere mention of the word causes him to accelerate to escape velocity in the opposite direction, it may not be just that he's afraid of commitment just like all other men. It could just be that he had a problem with the notion of being committed to you specifically<br><br>Just because you are a "good woman" (or at least good to him) doesn't mean you are *right* for him. And if you aren't right for him that AUTOMATICALLY means he's not right for you either. So move on and don't take it personal. I always thought Volvos were overpriced…

unfortunately finding a mate isn't nearly as logical as finding a car, you can't just pick a weekend when you feel like husband-shopping and pick a shiny new one off the showroom floor.

You ask “So when we choose you why do you suddenly have a problem with the choice?” maybe because… that choice isn't the right one to begin with? Otherwise both parties actually would be okay with it.

There is this stereotype that men never want to get married and women always want to get married and that this is perfectly normal. Actually men don't mind getting married if they find the right woman (and plenty of women never want to be married at all) So if the mere mention of the word causes him to accelerate to escape velocity in the opposite direction, it may not be just that he's afraid of commitment just like all other men. It could just be that he had a problem with the notion of being committed to you specifically

Just because you are a “good woman” (or at least good to him) doesn't mean you are *right* for him. And if you aren't right for him that AUTOMATICALLY means he's not right for you either. So move on and don't take it personal.

]]> By: CocoaDiva http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1462 CocoaDiva Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:22:06 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1462 The problem is the consumers are looking for the wrong products for their own flashy demands. A Jag may be pretty but a good solid Volvo will keep you safe and is low maintenance. The problem is the consumers are looking for the wrong products for their own flashy demands. A Jag may be pretty but a good solid Volvo will keep you safe and is low maintenance.

]]> By: Gordon Gartrell http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1461 Gordon Gartrell Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:58:45 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1461 This is true...the market decides on what is determined to be hot. The company should listen to consumers and give the people what they want. The customer is always right. This is true…the market decides on what is determined to be hot. The company should listen to consumers and give the people what they want. The customer is always right.

]]> By: A.Smith http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1459 A.Smith Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:02:04 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1459 Men need to understand that it's effed up to not be honest, whether on purpose or by witholding information. Whether or not you know what you want, know what she wants, have your shit together, or whatever, you DO know that you're not ready for marriage and it's YOUR job to make that clear ASAP (that'd be as soon as you realize she's got serious relationship/marriage on the brain). That's not rocket science, that's common damn sense.<br><br>Women, on the other hand, need to understand that if he ain't ready, he ain't ready. Yeah that sucks, but if you ARE ready then keep it pushin' till you find someone else who is, and like eXclusive said, we need to keep our options open. Love comes in all shades and colors. Somoene else mentioned that some of this "Good Woman" talk could be also said for "Good Men" and I agree. Plenty of good women are looking for commitment in all the wrong places when they have it staring them in the face -- he just isn't that tall... :) But in any case, no settling, no man-sharing and no playing dumb to catch the man. David Banner said it best: "If women would raise their standards, men would act better..."<br><br>Overall, I think folks make too much out of the differences between men and women. There are some and they are important to note, BUT they aren't so that we need to have never-ending discussions on how to deal with each other. Use some common sense and take some pride in yourself is all I'm sayin... Men need to understand that it's effed up to not be honest, whether on purpose or by witholding information. Whether or not you know what you want, know what she wants, have your shit together, or whatever, you DO know that you're not ready for marriage and it's YOUR job to make that clear ASAP (that'd be as soon as you realize she's got serious relationship/marriage on the brain). That's not rocket science, that's common damn sense.

Women, on the other hand, need to understand that if he ain't ready, he ain't ready. Yeah that sucks, but if you ARE ready then keep it pushin' till you find someone else who is, and like eXclusive said, we need to keep our options open. Love comes in all shades and colors. Somoene else mentioned that some of this “Good Woman” talk could be also said for “Good Men” and I agree. Plenty of good women are looking for commitment in all the wrong places when they have it staring them in the face — he just isn't that tall… :) But in any case, no settling, no man-sharing and no playing dumb to catch the man. David Banner said it best: “If women would raise their standards, men would act better…”

Overall, I think folks make too much out of the differences between men and women. There are some and they are important to note, BUT they aren't so that we need to have never-ending discussions on how to deal with each other. Use some common sense and take some pride in yourself is all I'm sayin…

]]> By: Jock R. http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1458 Jock R. Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:19:17 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1458 Devil's advocate: <br><br>If I claim my company makes a good car, but no one's buying my car, and people are clearly buying other cars, isn't it possible the car I make isn't as good as I'm screaming it is? After all, doesn't the market decide? <br><br><br>*Runs and hides* Devil's advocate:

If I claim my company makes a good car, but no one's buying my car, and people are clearly buying other cars, isn't it possible the car I make isn't as good as I'm screaming it is? After all, doesn't the market decide?

*Runs and hides*

]]> By: swiv http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/2008/12/the-plight-of-the-good-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1457 swiv Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:02:38 +0000 http://poshlifeposhstyle.com/?p=995#comment-1457 y'all kill me. we're all legends in our own minds. is that these men are threatened or insecure or do they just not like your ass? good grief. <br><br>oh yea, if you're all as tight as y'all say you are, if i ever run across you, i won't pass you up. unless i'm not really feeling you. <br><br>LOL. <br><br><== in no way threatened by an ambitious woman y'all kill me. we're all legends in our own minds. is that these men are threatened or insecure or do they just not like your ass? good grief.

oh yea, if you're all as tight as y'all say you are, if i ever run across you, i won't pass you up. unless i'm not really feeling you.

LOL.

<== in no way threatened by an ambitious woman

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