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Stand By Your Man: Get Like Kim Porter

By CocoaDiva on Oct 17, 2008 with Comments

What is in the water in the black community?  Why are there so few committed relationships, and more random hook-ups and baby daddies?  Is having babies by different partners what’s hot in the streets?  What happened to love and commitment with one person?  

For example, Diddy was diddlin’ around on Kim Porter for over a decade.  Porter only called it quits when she found out Mr. Shiny Pants impregnated another woman when she was pregnant with his twins.    The messed up thing is he didn’t even tell her what was going on and she heard it through the grapevine.  Diddy didn’t man up and confess until after the twins were born.  But rumor has it that Porter really knew about the other woman and her pregnancy and kept on dealing with Diddy.

The  thing that kills me, is Diddy has been sayin’ “Take that, take that,”  to random chicks for years.  Why was the last straw Diddy slipping on his Trojan game and a having an unexpected baby?  Why didn’t Porter call it quits sooner?  She recently was quoted as saying, As Black women we sacrifice, we stand by our man, through thick and thin, through whatever.”

Dude, how does it get that far?  I’m sorry, standing by my man doesn’t include knowing he is stroking another female because boys will be boys.   Apparently, laying down is what he does best, so why are you standing by him?

Porter further says the situation with Diddy “[was] not an original script. He’s not the first man who’s cheated. He’s not the first man who’s had a baby outside of his relationship. He’s not the originator of this.”   Yeah, Kim.  The problem is he didn’t tell you the chick was pregnant until after the baby was born….umm 9 months later.  That’s a real crappy script in my opinion.

People cheat all day, everyday.  However, there is some point in a relationship where you realize this person ain’t for you or the timing isn’t right.  Instead of getting caught up, why not call it quits? 

I think Black relationships need a real tune up.

Ladies, when you realize he isn’t cuffing you, wifing you, or even committing to dating you long term, why do you stay?  Why stick with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you?  What do you think all this stand by your man will accomplish?

Men, when you realize she’s not the one why do you keep fooling with her?  Hey, you may realize she is the one…but the timing is off.  Why stay?   Because the sex is good?   Is it easier to have a bunch of kids with different women rather than stay committed to one?

I am interested in hearing what you have to say.

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Filed Under: Dating • Featured • For Men Only • Relationships

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  • Vida
    I have to agree, my mom always said a man will do to you what you let him do to you, and yes men sleep around, and cheat...but the question for that is why? why is this allowed? why has this become the standard , I think if these type of incidents were not allowed and just shrugged off with a smile of "boys will be boys" then it would start to fade away. It is a true shame that a grown woman that is well above my age has the nerve to let a MAN, a simple man do that to her and her children..knowing God did not want that for her..out of the mouth of babes as my mother would say, my friends that are way younger then me know that no woman should stand for, what Mrs. Porter has...God Bless her and those children
  • Q
    I'm mad late to this discussion, but I agree with Black Skinny Girl. Each person should define his/her own life...each couple should define their relationship and stick to what they agree upon. I also believe that we have to teach people how to treat us...people will do to you what you let them do. Obviously, Kim is cool with the situation...and if not, her bad for not making a change.
  • The big question is how to these women really feel about what the men are doing? If you have an open relationship and are fine with it, more power to you. However, more often than not, women want a monogamous relationship, but accept foolishness. I am going through this now. Old Boy says he wants to be with me, but is still picking up chicks when he heads out on the town. His complaint is that I won't give him any loving and say, u get no loving until you convince me you want me and only me! As I see it, there will ALWAYS be scandalous women out there willing to sleep with your man, so he has to prove he is a man of character who will emphatically walk away and stay true to you. I figure if he can't stay focused on me at this stage of the game, what would happen months, years, down the line? Long story short he is on his way out the door! Ladies stand up for yourselves and stop accepting the BS. Just being able to say you have a man is not worth losing your self-respect.
  • I guess my viewpoint is just different. Because I believe that the standards for what a relationship is/is not should be left to the discretion of the people within the relationship. In my opinion, since black folks are so culturally tied to Western and Judeo-Christian values, it is difficult to accept that perhaps other systems work for other people.

    For me, it has nothing to do with how attractive people may or not be. It's about DEFINING LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS AND FIGURING OUT WORKS FOR YOU. It's not about holding up your situation to someone else's standards. But again, I guess I just think differently.
  • Jamie
    GREAT post LS! You are absolutely right. But then again, Kim Porter and those who operate like her have always confused the hell out of me. I don't understand it.
  • Randi523
    Cocoa: That's where most of these cases of STI's and unwanted children (who are the ones who ultimately suffer the most) are coming from: the whole "to each his own" or "sex when I want it, with who I want it with" mentality. I am not a prude or no where near perfect, but I do know right and wrong, and having multiple sex partners and society just accepting it is WRONG!

    I agree that low self-esteem does come into play. Why would a person that thinks highly of him/herself let someone disrespect him/her repeatedly. THAT PERSON WOULDN'T. That was the first thing I thought of when Mo'Nique said she and her husband have an open marriage. And just b/c WE think Will and Jada are beautiful on the outside, we don't know what they feel about themselves on the inside.
  • I Agree w/ Skinny....
  • Thanks Randi.

    Nail right on the head about the point of my article. What in blue blazes makes it alright to have multiple sex partners? The celebrity reference is a way to get everyone's attention. Your cousin cheating on his girl with three random chicks is every day for folks, so you overlook it.

    Why do women look the other way when a man is cheating. Is it low self esteem?

    I'm so tired of folks saying to each their own. If the new age definition for marriage and relationships is "Some ish we do for fun, with no regard to anyone's feelings, emotional scars and baggage, something I do when I am bored, and who cares about the kids let them think sleeping with errbody is whats up." Great! Let me hit up wikipedia right the heck now and stop writing immediately lol.
  • Randi523
    Also, I don't think the author of this article was referring only to a celebrity (if you can call Kim Porter that). The author was referring to Black relationships in general. Why is it OK for Will and Jada to have an open marriage? That is not what marriage was intended for-if you want to have multiple sex partners (ewww), STAY SINGLE!!

    I just feel for the children in these messed up relationships.
  • Randi523
    NO,NO,NO!!! Since when is being in a relationship letting someone continually treat you badly and disrespect you?? Yes, we all know that everyone situation is different. But how can a relationship that involves finding out what your sig.other is doing "through the grapevine" work best for anyone?
  • Kim porter will always be connected to Sean Combs regardless if people like it or not because she has children with him.
  • I think that we really need to stop scrutinizing others' relationships situations, especially when we're on the outside looking in.

    The fact of the matter is that all relationships are not going to be the same. Not everyone feels a pressing need to get married, or even attach an official title to their relationship. Whatever reasons Kim decided to stay with Diddy for as long as she did, they are just that. HER REASONS. It's okay to say that you as an individual would not have done the same, but I feel as though it is unfair to hold other people's situations and love lives to our own personal standards.

    To me, the problem with "black love" is that there seems to be one universally accepted standard for what is right. And anything other than that is viewed as wrong. Prime example, everyone worshipped Will and Jada's relationship, until it came out that they might have an open marriage. So what if they do? It seems to work well for their family so who are we to judge?

    We really need to step outside of the box and examine OUR OWN lives and see what relationships WORK BEST FOR US. Instead we accept the advice of Essence/Oprah/or the popular Televangelist as Gospel about what we "should be" doing.

    I think our love lives will improve greatly when we decide to think and choose for ourselves and stop holding other people's relationships to our own personal standards. Just because celebrities' lives are played out in the media, that doesn't make their relationships any more of our business than the couple who lives next door.
  • swiv
    some women have low expectations in life and are thus ok with this. the dudes are lame for doing it, but the women are lamer for staying with them.
  • As long as women look at leaving as allowing the 'other' woman to win, they won't leave. I have a good friend going through this right now. She feels why should she let the new girl win when she has put in all this time and work. I keep asking but what would she be winning????Nothing worth having in my book. I would rather be alone than deal with that madness
  • I'm going to be honest, people will not ever realize that what they do is truly wrong unless they are punished for that, and women can punish the man by leaving the relationship and demanding better. However, this is usually not the case, as women, especially black women, have the feeling that they might never have a quality or serious relationship after said man. Therefore, they willingly take dude back after sometimes numerous f*ckups on his behalf.

    Just my 2 cents, nice post CD!

    -Ed.
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