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Pick Up the Phone! Don’t Text Date!

By CocoaDiva on Aug 26, 2008 with Comments

The invention of the text message was a Godsend for quick and easy communication.  You can find the whereabouts of anyone in seconds, say wassup, and set up an event in seconds.   However, it has greatly contributed to the downfall of dating.  We no longer have to have meaningful conversations with our boo of the moment.  We can send cryptic messages, in 160 characters or less, to our romantic interests and expect to play the get to know you game in 5 texts or less.  How are you supposed to find out anything in a text message?  P.O.S.H. is here to give you a few tips.   Here are a few of the biggest dating mistakes you can make using text messages. 

Everybody is a Comedian - If you don’t know the person that well don’t send them ignant jokes in a text message.  What you thought was funny may leave the other person staring at the screen and thinking you are an idiot.   Words can be misinterpreted and you may never get a chance to smooth out that not so funny moment.   Cool out on the comedy act until you know you are funny in person.

Don’t send a text to call off a date or ask anyone on a date - Man up and call  to cancel the plans.  If you don’t want to see them again call them and cancel.  Sending a random text is chicken.  No woman wants you to be asked out via text…”wanna kickit…holla at me”  Negative, boo, hiss, and a womp for good measure.  Sending a text to ask someone out, unless you have been dating for a while, shows you are just not that into them.  If you can’t pick up the phone to talk for 5 minutes to arrange a date…..your lame…or just not that into them. 

Don’t send a text immediately after a date – you look super pressed.  Let the date die down and simmer a bit.  Let them miss you and wonder what the next meeting will be like.  There is nothing wrong with waiting after that first date.

Keep the Texting to a Minimum.Once you’ve texted back and forth a few times, and unless one of you is in a Turkish prison being tortured by a not-so-friendly cell mate, you need to pick up the phone and have a real conversation. You will not discover whether you share a true connection with someone by conversing with them via text message. Also, as two adults, you need to have an actual voice-to-voice conversation. So go ahead and exchange a few texts, but then get yourself on the phone!

Don’t Believe Everything You Read- text messaging, like any other form of electronic communication, allows everyone to put up a mask or be someone they are not.  Just because someone says something, doesn’t mean you have to believe it.  Judging someone is best done in person.  I just keep thinking of that Friday line “She said she looked like Janet Jackson…..she looked more like Freddy Jackson!”

You May Not Get an Answer.Just because you texted someone, doesn’t mean they’re going to respond. This is another issue with using text messaging as your main communication method — especially in the dating context. You’re texting back and forth with someone, then you send something to them and they don’t respond. They may have gotten on the phone. They may have fallen asleep. They may have gone into a meeting. Because texting is so impersonal, though, you don’t know what happened to them.

This doesn’t mean keep texting in a stalkerish fashion.  I guarantee by your repeated texting you are starting to piss the person off.  Then they reaaaaaly don’t want to talk to you.  Trust me…they got your, text, IM, GChat, or email.   Either they were busy and forgot to return the message.  Or they are just not that into you.  If they were, they would send you a message regardless of whether they received yours first.

Chill out – Let’s say you texted someone on a Tuesday, they responded to your text, you texted them again and… now it’s Friday and they still haven’t texted back.   What gives..do they not like you…was your message received…do they think you are lame….What does someone do in that situation?

They may not be keeping a text count like you are. They may have forgotten to text you back because they got on a long phone call or got caught up in some work, and your text may have gotten lost. \a question? Do you answer every email that comes in… or does one sometimes get buried and go unanswered? If you haven’t heard from someone in a few days, pick up the phone and call them. Don’t call your friend and rehash every minute of your date in agonizing detail. Use Alexander Grahm Bell’s greatest creation and CALL THEM!!  Alexander and your boo will thank you.

Understand that while text messages are convenient and a good way to toss out a few words, flirt, or send a dirty message…..it’s not a way to replace phone communication and we guarantee you won’t learn much about anyone in 160 characters or less. 

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Filed Under: Dating • Dating Tips • Featured • For Men Only

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About the Author:

  • Ed
    I started dating a woman.
    But she texted so much, it drove me crazy.
    After about a month, it was over.
  • I agree in most part with the post. However, I don't believe in "don't send a text immediately after a date". Dates, especially first dates are ambiguous. I have gone on dates, laughed and smiled and had great conversation, but wasn't interested in anything more than friendship with him while on the date. I figured no sense in being mean or rude and not worthy of a lengthy discussion as to why I'm not interested in pursuing anything further. A text works perfectly for ME in that situation.

    Wishing you peace, productivity and prosperity,

    Nia
    www.blacksexyprofessional.com
  • WindyCityGurl606
    Texting is exactly why a relationship never started for me. The guy started the initial relationship w/ texting. I gave my number for the man to call. Instead, the guy thought it was the way to begin. Nope. Not upset w/ him...just doesn't work for me.

    On another note....I ended another relationship b/c he refused to call. Once again...not upset...just realized what didn't work for me. Sorry for length....just had to express myself.
  • what a sad world we live in that someone HAS to be told this.
  • I completely agree. Esquire and I were just saying that text messages should be used as a secondary method of communication. If you can't pick up a phone your lazy....plain and simple. We want everything quick, fast, and in a hurry. Relationships aren't like that....they take time....get used to it.
  • "You May Not Get an Answer.Just because you texted someone, doesn’t mean they’re going to respond. This is another issue with using text messaging as your main communication method — especially in the dating context. You’re texting back and forth with someone, then you send something to them and they don’t respond. They may have gotten on the phone. They may have fallen asleep. They may have gone into a meeting. Because texting is so impersonal, though, you don’t know what happened to them."

    That is somethiing that I do all the time.. (NOT RESPOND TO A TEXT... I also hate the forwards. I am not a phone person anyway. So I don't even know really why I got a cell phone.. O it is for emergencies.

    I am liking your site..
  • This is some of the truest truth that I have seen in a while and expresses a great deal of my own personal sentiments. THANK YOU!!!

    I mos def need to get U on my Roll for this.

    P.S. Don't get mad if U seee this up roun' my way soon.
  • I personally dislike texting, even though its a part of my daily activity. I use texting to ask basic questions, give short answers, and solidify meeting times. Outside of that, a person needs to call me. On the flip side of that, I'm addicted to returning emails on my Blackberry and iPhone, but I hate getting a message like this: Wat time r u gng 2 the movie? brb, lol, lmao, rofl, and all that other nonsense. I AM ILLITERATE IN TEXT MESSAGE LANGUAGE!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!! LOL
  • I have to agree. When trying to get to know someone, it's better to pick up the phone. But overall, it's really the level of communication that will let you know what he or she thinks about you.

    However, I do take issue with women who just don't say how they feel and use the act of ignoring as a signal. Just say the word one time and call it day. I understand some guys are scary-persistent. But, if it's a brother like me, I'd like to know that I can move on as soon as possible.

    I NEED CLOSURE. lol.

    But seriously, I got like 10 other numbers I could be wasting my time on. Those are precious minutes that could be used to better my odds with more potentially fruitful endeavors if I don't have to waste a second or third phone call. That attitude has got to change.
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