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Jeezy Says No to Keyshia: Top 10 Reasons Why Men Won’t Jump The Broom

I stumbled on a rumored report that Keyshia Cole asked Young Jeezy to marry her and Jeezy declined. He cited the reason for his denial was his focus on his career and making money. I have heard from a few guys that women need to step up and get their holler game together since this is no longer 1950 (this is an entirely different post for another day). Keyshia took it one step further by proposing to her boo. (I don’t know if I could take it that far).

It seems to me that Black couples are the first to site career goals and timing as the reason why we can’t settle down. It has been my experience that other nationalities are interested in building with each other. They will start off with $100 and a dream while we can’t marry until our paper is right. Are we missing out on great opportunities?

I began to wonder what are the reasons why a man won’t commit to marrying a woman. If they have been dating for a long time, why do people waste time. If they aren’t marriage material why are you seriously dating them. I found this Article at Black Voices a few days ago which cites a few reasons why men won’t commit to marriage.

10. Options (other women) – With so many women out there, sometimes it can be difficult to settle down. Like much of the world, women outnumber men and in the black community, the disparity is even more pronounced. Sometimes guys just want to “sow their wild oats.”

9. Financial issues – Money can play a large role in a relationship as two people start sharing their income. When you realize that the girl of your dreams can’t keep a hold of her pocket book and she’s dragging you down in the process, it becomes hard to imagine a future together.

8. The family from hell – When expectations don’t mesh between the man and the woman’s family, sparks can fly creating disastrous situations.

7. Insecurity/trust – Sometimes relationships can have trust issues and it makes it impossible to whole-heartedly be with someone, knowing the may lie or have cheated. The idea of his future wife with someone else can haunt a man.

6. Change in lifestyle- There are certain guys who don’t want to get married simply because they like their care-free lifestyle. They don’t want to compromise, they avoid responsibility and they cling to their personal space. For these men, a woman has to be pretty convincing in order to change their ways

5. She already has kids – For some men, when a woman has children already, there may be a feeling that the they will never be his. They may turn away from raising another man’s offspring for the sheer fact that she still has that connection to the children’s father.

4. Geography -She may want to live in one area while he wants to live in another. He may get a job out of town that could be full of possibilities and she may be on the fast track in her own field. Simple things like geography can be a relationship killer for men when compromise is out of the question.

3. Social class or status – Your girl may have more money than you. Plain and simple, it can be difficult for some men to maintain relationships knowing that they aren’t the primary breadwinners. This can create insecurity and actually work to emasculate some men as they may be constantly reminded by their situation or even their girl that she does in fact make more than him.

2. They may not be the right person – A relationship can sputter and yet reluctantly continue despite a bevy of problems and when the idea of marriage comes up, those flaws may become painfully apparent.

1. Divorce/Parents Never Married – Children learn what they see and if they have no role models to emulate, or if their parents weren’t married, it may not be normal to them. Some men may have seen their parents go through a nasty divorce and consciously or unconsciously may fear marriage and the pain it may cause.

Thoughts? Comments?

Ladies what has been your experience?

Fellas got any more thoughts or want to add to the discussion?

 

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  • Interesting post. I have made a twitter post about this. Hope others find it as interesting as I did.
  • MirthNadir
    I would say that #'s 9,8, 4 and 2 are pretty legit ... many people are also too selfish to date a SO with kids ... I have done it before and it wasn't easy in my experience ... in fact the experience left me a little gun shy. The family piece is huge (on both sides) because you have to deal with the family forever and that is tough if they are potential monsters ... Geography is self explanatory ... money ... if my wife/gf doesn't have good credit AND doesn't practice good spending habits, that would drive me up a wall and eventually come to a head ... Like ... money is the #1 cause of divorce ... those issues are no joke ... and then the whole not the right person issue is legit ... no need in wasting time if the person just isn't going to have you just as excited after 2 years as you were after one month.


    Nice blog by the way. I added you to my blog roll.
  • Dira
    Great piece! I had a conversation earlier about this exact same thing. Why does it seem black men are the main ones who cannot settle down and commit to marriage (compared to all the other ethnicity groups)? Your list exemplifies what could be the obstacles, but at some point don't black women have to say "hey, we have the same reservations but we are willing to commit. So what?" The same way an educated black man can commit to going to college, buying a home, choosing and then progressing in a career (and all the obstacles that come with those choices) -- it makes me wonder if we (as black women) allow them these list of excuses. Just a thought.


    Again, great piece Posh. :)
  • Anonymous
    i was in a 3 year relationship before and he would talk about marriage all the time, he was a little older than i was, and at the time i would hear him but i was not ready. it was funny because he had mentioned me not pressuring him into marriage though it seemed like he was pressuring me, lol! i think that it's hard for some people to commit and a lot of the reasons above are true, but if you are in a relationship now and things are great, some men are thinking why go and change it! it's hard to make someone want to marry you and ultimatums are not the right way to go but if you are ready and he is not then talk to him about it, see where his head is and if you realize that it's just not going to work, then maybe its time to move on...
  • Anonymous
    Great post. I've personally experienced or seen close friends experience a few things on this list. The Geography one got me years ago---broke up a 2 year relationship. ALL of my friends with divorced parents are a little wary about getting married. My best friend (w/ divorced parents) just got engaged though---so that's not an "end all" but it can be a tough one to overcome.
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