10 Dating Mistakes Men Make

Maybe it's the Cali in me, but (as we discussed on IM while you wrote this blog) there are some holes in your argument.
Disclaimer: Now for those women who are reading this, this is just my opinion, and I only speak for myself and my experiences, and not for black men.



Don't tell us what you think we want to hear.

Why would we do that, when the truth would hurt you more? Just imagine if your S.O. pulled a Al Bundy and said "it's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the FAT that makes you look fat." Naw, we rather lie and keep the evening smooth.



If you are into her ....call her back, show up when you are supposed to, follow through, don't be an ass!!!!!

If a man's into you, he will do those things and it will become a labour of love for him. He won't think about the consequences, it will just happen. If he's not doing it, it's not because he's lazy, it's because HE'S NOT INTO YOU. Think about it from a professional standpoint: if a company wants to hire you, they won't chill and just sit there. They will call you, make you an offer, and ask for your decision. Simple as that. Men make it known if we're interested. And if you act half ass on your interest as well, a GOOD man with options won't wait for you. (FYI)



Fineness doesn't equate to having a level head or compatibility. Ms Right could be sitting right next to you.

You are absolutely right. However, if "Ms. Right" looks like Lil' Wayne, men won't talk to her. PERIOD. As we talked about before, men are visual creatures, and the first thing that attracts us to you is your looks. Now, speaking for myself, looks may get you in the door, but who you are INSIDE is what keeps you inside of my house. The problem we have in our society is that women who are considered "trophy material" are not given an incentive by our society to be "good women" because "bitch niggas" give them passes because of their looks.



You are't wifing Wal-Mart girl, so why should I be forced to marry Mr. Paper or Plastic? Guys, every woman does not want you to be her sugar daddy.

Now, although I agree with that, there's a certain aspect of this that we're missing here. A lot of women complain about men being intimidated by successful women. Granted, there are some men who actually are. But a real man is not. But what keeps some good men from dealing with successful women is that, just like in the greek world where people always talk about their journeys into their respective orgs and want to throw it in everyone's faces, black successful women sometimes have this tendency to do the same, and it's a turnoff to black men, especially if we're on par with you. Both sides compete enough in the workplace during the day; turn that eurocentric corporate mess off when you walk through the door of your home. THANKS!! (This one alludes to #8, but still needed to be said, damnit)



Find out if she is still emotionally attached to her former boo. If she is still hung up on him, you will never make headway and will never touch her heart like you should.

Some women will argue that the best way to get over someone is to spend time with someone else. The problem is that some women play games with men, and don't make it known what their situations are. Ladies, don't wait until a man takes you out to drop the "I'm not over my ex" bomb. And dudes, once you find this out, give her 3-6 months of space before you try to holla at her, especially if it was her that broke it off.



Newsflash - Black couples can build together just like any other nationality.

Newsflash: We can do this, but we don't do enough of it. Why? Because it's not encouraged in our communities. And shows such as the upcoming show "Real Housewives of Atlanta" do not encourage it either. Not many black women these days are into a relationship based on organic growth; they're more about acquisitional growth. Translation: I can count on one hand how many women wanted to date me when I was broke, making $35k a year, living in an apartment, and driving a beat up Maxima. 3 years later, I get a MBA, purchase a home, and drive a luxury car, and all of a sudden the game changed (even with women who knew me when I was broke). Were they trying to work with me when I was broke?.......... EXACTLY



Other than that, great post. ;)

i didn't know if i should comment to your blog or to that blog-like comment by richard LOL.


but one thing i know is that honesty has kept me celibate for a while now. im tired of bein honest. LOL

This was helpful....


I suck at dating...and this was "real talk" as they say....

That was a nice post ... I am confused if you (or the first comment) make the point about a pretty face will get you in the door but a nice person on the inside will keep you in the house ... whomever said that is correct ...


Something that is important to me is that a person either have a diverse group of friends or be genuinely open to have diverse friends. How do you feel about that?

A lot of good stuff in the post and comments. I don't think Richard and Cocoa Diva are too far off from each other. Just a few details they may disagree on.


President Anthony Wrote "but one thing i know is that honesty has kept me celibate for a while now. im tired of bein honest. LOL"



Yo that really goes both ways. I've gotten some because I told 'em what they wanted to hear. and I've gotten some cause I just kept it 100% honest. The honest route always feels a little better though. No guilt or BS. Stick with it. It'll break the other way. CD is right--most chicks can take it...

Ok, let me throw my $0.02 in here. Ladies, don't think I am a traitor to the gender, but I totally agree with Richard's comments. Since getting married, my understanding and perception of men has increased 10 fold. If a man is making the mistakes listed here, then he's really not feeling you that much in the first place, point blank. Leave him alone, because during the time you were waisting with him you could have found the 'right' one.


Particularly with points 2 and 6. If a guy is really into you, he can't wait to talk to you, so he will call. Plus, he wants to spend time with you. So,despite what all may be going on in his life, he will make the time for you. Really, he will. When I was dating and knew that I was ready to be in a serious relationship, upon first getting to know a guy if he didn't return my phone calls within 24 hours, his place in my list of priorities dropped. If I ever got an "I was too busy to (fill in the blank)," Guess what? Dropped.



As far as sex goes, ladies we've got to understand that sex is waaayyyy more important to men then it will ever be for us. They're just chemically designed to be more physical and visual than we are. Just an example, a couple a weeks ago my husband and I were talking about whether or not we were going to send our daughter to daycare and out of nowhere he asked this totally random sexually related question. So my response was, 'we were talking about childcare how in the hell did sex pop into your mind?' To which he responded, 'Are you kidding me? It's sex, we could have been talking about macaroni and cheese and collard greens and I could have made some type of connection to sex.' So, while sex is not everything in a relationship, for men it occupies a much bigger piece of the pie than it does for women. Now, am I saying that because of this we should excuse men from running rampid? No, but what I am saying is we've got take control of our sexuality. Women's intuition is powerful. Ladies, if we really look deep within, we can see pass the BS and know if we're just being used sexually. If you sense that and that's not what you want, close it up. Don't continue sleeping with him because you think one day his feeling may change. Women operate like that, not men. Coca Diva, you mentioned that 95% of women can't seperate sex and emotion. Well, I'll go one step further and make the assumption that 95% of men can. So, please lose the false hope that a man who is just sleeping with you casually may one day want something more. So, if you want a serious relationship, keep it closed. You make him learn about you before giving it up. If he's really interested, he'll stick around. If not, he wasn't the one



Ok, this post is getting long and I need to get back to doing some work, but I say all this to make the point that we as women need to take more control of the relationships we choose to be in. Don't waste your time with someone who makes these mistakes. Men who display the behavior mentioned above aren't 'trash' or 'dawgs' they just aren't that crazy about you. So, recognize this. Don't be bitter or angry, just accept it and move on to the next.



p.s. I love what you're doing withe blog Aith :-)

good post.


but richard, you must agree that there's a difference b/w lying to keep the date moving smoothly (a la no that dress doesn't make you look fat) and lying to get some coochie (i'm single/i'm over my ex, etc. etc).

Richard really hit a good point when saying we can build together like others. There was a time when marriage wasn't always a business venture. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your ish together before you bring someone into your realm, but too long that has been used as an excuse. His points were great from a male point of view

Good post, but I'll say this...I've been Mr. Nice Guy for the past 10 years and that sh*t backfires...I notice when I'm cruel and insensitive to ladies they respond. Ish is weird.


But a great post, and I love my life!



-Ed.

www.edthesportsfan.com

I agree with Ed as well, if you take a survey nice guys usually get the short end of the stick. It usually deals with the "nice guy" not giving the lady space to breathe by doing what he thinks she wants done.

can someone tell me what cali has to do with responding to comments? either way, most of this stuff is common sense. all the advice in the world isn't gonna do jack for a man who isn't doesn't want to change.

i do think it's mad lame to lie to a chick in order to spare her feelings. not to say that i haven't done it, but it's still lame. and yes, i'm saying that in the instances i've done it, i've been lame.

and there's a huge difference between being emasculated and being nice. women want a man who's a man.

"Not many black women these days are into a relationship based on organic growth; they’re more about acquisitional growth."

this is BS. more often than not, women are into it because of the relationship as opposed to what it can do for them. gold diggers and their ilk are the exception, not the rule. women are more willing to work with a man in progress than vice versa. it's just the way it is.