Ladies: Own your Orgasm

Ladies we have all complained about not being satisfied by a partner and most of us have faked an orgasm. Why do we do it?

Shayla (name changed) reports being really happy with her boyfriend. He loves her, is attentive, they laugh for hours on end, and he treats her better than any man she previously dated. However, she reports repeatedly faking orgasms. She says “Sometimes I get really close to climax, but most times he just can’t take me there….So I fake it.”

Shayla isnt alone. Statistics show that only approximately 30% of women can achieve an orgasm through intercourse alone. According to the 2000 Orgasm Survey (who knew they conducted an Orgasm Study??), 72 percent of women have faked at least once in their current or most recent relationship, and 55 percent of men say they can tell when their partner’s faking. Guess what ladies, sometimes that Oscar winning performance didn’t wow the crowd. The guys are on to you.

Most women require some clitoral stimulation to achieve the big O. Many sex positions do not lead to proper clitoral stimulation which prevents us from reaching climax. The number one reason women report for faking an orgasm is concern for the male ego. Well, you are hurting his ego when you fake it as well. It would suck for me to learn a job I thought I was great at….I really did a mediocre job.

I asked Shayla if she talks to her partner. Does she tell him what turns her on or when things feel just right? She replied, “I don’t want to seem whorish or extra dirty, plus shouldn’t he be able to figure it out?” The answer to this question is NO.

Ladies, a man isn’t responsible for your orgasm. We are all take charge kind of girls. We dictate our own paths in life and go for what we want. What makes the bedroom any different? When you first started sexin your new boo….didn’t you have to learn his body and find out what makes him tick? Honey, he has to do the same thing for you.

Every woman is not the same. He may be working on what got his last conquest off. That may have worked for her….but does nothing for you. If you play along then you are letting the previous woman rob you of your fun and good times. Every time you fake it your cheating yourself.

Here are some tips to owning your O.

1. Learn your body – many of us have been told that sex is dirty or wrong. This attitude leads many women to faking an orgasm because they don’t really know what takes them to the mountain top. If you are sexually active, there is nothing wrong with a little self -exploration. Go buy a toy or just spend some time figuring out how you like to be touched and where. What kind of pressure do you like and when? How do you expect him to know if you have no clue yourself?

2. Speak up – sex is supposed to be fun! If he is doing something right let him know! That way he knows which actions to repeat. Let him know you like how it feels. If he is missing the mark you can gently guide him without being a dictator. Its so easy to say …”I love it when you…..” Or make it a scavenger hunt. Bet him he can’t find your spot. Imagine the prize both of you get when he finds it.

3. Talk about sex when you aren’t having sex - Ask questions and keep learning more about each other. Tell each other your fantasies and be willing to explore them, within reason. Opening and maintaining these communication lines will make you both more comfortable about the subject. Talking can also serve to build excitement as prolonged foreplay.

4. Remember everyone can’t have a vaginal orgasm – that means more foreplay. Yay! Learn positions to get clitoral stimulation. Don’t expect to get an orgasm just by intercourse alone. Tell him you like clitoral stimulation. Remember communication is key.

5. Enjoy the ride – turn off your expectations. Don’t look for your O just let it come to you. If your brain is focused on finding it you miss the forest for the trees. Just have fun….if not why are you there.

6. Be an active participant – the starfish move is played. If you just lay there and don’t take charge of your O its your fault too. If you don’t like position A then switch it to position B. Trust us he won’t mind.

7. Don’t wait – The longer you wait and the more orgasms you fake the bigger the issues become. The longer you go without confronting and handling them, the bigger they become. Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the leading causes of couples splitting up. The number one reason for sexual dissatisfaction is lack of communication. Forgoing communication and opting to simply fake it will only widen the gap between you two and ultimately ruin the relationship.

8. Sex study sessions- men are flooded with flicks, stories from their friends, and images on television that tell them how we achieve orgasms. We all know that most of those images are not real. Many many will study sports stats or work stats but never know the ins and outs of a female orgasm. Both women and men should take every opportunity to become students of sex together. Not only is it very sexy to learn together, you will both benefit from it greatly in the long run.

Ladies ….here is to never faking an orgasm again. You and your partner will both thank you for it.

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